2011 IN TWITMERICKS

TWITMERICKS REVIEW OF THE YEAR - 2011 IN LIMERICKS 
—————————————————————————————————
I began writing twitmericks in May.
It started with the AV referendum on may 5. I believe it was Channel 4 News who asked Twitter users to explain the difference between First Past the Post and Alternative Vote in 140 characters, so I set myself the additional challenge of doing it in a limerick (see below).
A week later, I decided to have a go at tweeting the news every day. When I searched Twitter to see if anyone was writing limericks already, I found a few – but mainly because that day, May 12, was Limerick Day, marking the 199th birthday of the world’s best-known limerick writer, Edward Lear.
This means on his 200th anniversary, I will have been doing them for a year, which seems fitting.
Meanwhile, here’s a selection from 2011. They  may not cover the whole year, but I think they give a reasonable reflection of it.
Mick Twister/Twitmericks.
SEE YA LATER, EX-DICTATOR
——————————————–
There was an old man from the Nile
Of odious crocodile smile
But as every dictator
Should sooner or later
Mubarak is now standing trial.
BASHAR ASSAD – MAD OR BAD?
———————————————
President Bashar Assad
Was given the job by his dad
In the gathering storm
He promised reform
But Syrians felt they’d been had.
MUAMMAR IS NO MORE
————————————
Libya’s modern-day Caesar
Was laid on a slab in a freezer
His power stripped bare
No more gladhanding Blair
Nor making eyes at Condoleezza.
AL QAEDA’s CHANGE OF LEADER
—————————————————–
The violent death of Osama
Was ordered by Barack Obama
But some say the leader
Behind al Qaeda
Had his dogma knocked down by his karma.
*****
An Egyptian called Ayman’s now leader
Of terror franchise Al Qaeda
It’s a step up in theory
For al-Zawahiri
But I wouldn’t envy the bleeder.
EUROPE’S AUSTERITY, GIFT TO POSTERITY
—————————————————————
The Mediterranean diet
Is austerity, tear gas and riot
As lines of police
Charge protesters in Greece
Causing pan-European disquiet.
*****
Moodys, Fitch, Standard&Poors
Allot creditworthiness scores
As all missed the crisis
I’d say their advice is
As useful as Harry next door’s.
BYE BYE, PHONY BURLESQUONI
———————————————–
There is an old man from Milan
Who’s hung on as long as he can
Now every last crony
Has ditched Berlusconi
His political life’s down the pan.
*****
There is an Italian called Mario
Who supplanted an ageing lothario
Appointed pro tem
As Italian PM
He replaces the old impresario.
MOBILE HACKERS CAUGHT BY THE KNACKERS
———————————————————————-
A cynical liar named James
Fires the poor suckers he blames
I hope all the hacks
Mr Murdoch now sacks
Blow the whistle & start naming names.
*****
News International’s Rebekah
Ended up as a newspaper wrecker
A media vandal
At fault in the scandal
But so were those failing to check ‘er.
*****
There was an old man from Australia
Who tried on MPs, inter alia
Amnesia, humility
Disdain and senility
But in the end it was a failure.
WHO HAD SEX WITH MR X?
—————————————–
Mr X has had zero compunction
In taking a superinjunction
It bars me from saying
Whose part X was playing
Or describing the bodily function
AV V. FTTP – EASY AS ABC
—————————————-
The system of 1st past the post
Awards seats to the one polling most
When using AV
You vote 1,2 and 3
So round 1′s winner may end up toast
PICKET GOVE – A JERK, BY JOVE!
————————————————–
A prominent Tory named Mike
Says teachers are naughty to strike
An angry attack
& yet Gove, as a hack
Was a picket himself – what’s he like?
LIAM FOX TAKES SOME KNOCKS
————————————————
Pseudo Fox aide Adam Werritty
Acted the part with dexterity
But it takes cash to fly
Every month to Dubai
So who was behind his prosperity?
WHAT’S YOUR STORY, SCOTTISH TORY?
———————————————————-
The Scottish Conservatives’ name
Appears to be causing them shame
But even rebranded
I have to be candid
They’re going to lose all the same.
DOMINIQUE UP LE CRIQUE
—————————————
A serial shagger from France
Was accused as we all looked askance
Now DSK’s sorry
But his no. 1 worry
Is he screwed his political chance.
ANTI-SEMITIC? JUST WHEN PARALYTIC
————————————————————
Galliano, big cheese in design
Got a 6,000-odd Euro fine
For race-hate to Jews
Which he blamed on the booze
(An unusual reaction to wine).
SEPP BLATTER, MAD AS A HATTER?
—————————————————–
That funny old man Mr Blatter
Says racist abuse doesn’t matter
Shake hands, it’s a game
Nobody’s to blame
But fans want his head on a platter.
NEXT TIME, STIPE, AT LEAST USE SKYPE
————————————————————-
REM’s rock n roll poet
Who’s aging & starting to show it
Split the band up online
& tho I feel fine
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
TWITTER RIOT? WE WON’T BUY IT
———————————————-
The riots in London don’t stem
From the tensions of us against them
Forget sociology
Blame the technology
Twitter, FB, BBM.
*****
Home Secretary Teresa May
Concedes anarchy in the UK
Was not caused by Twitter
So Dave’s a bullshitter
And social networks win the day.
TAKING LIBERTIES WITH RELATIVITY
——————————————————–
Our notion of cause & effect
Could be comprehensively wrecked
The thing’ll unravel
If particles travel
At faster than light, I suspect
FAREWELL RHYMES FOR FOLKS OF OUR TIMES
———————————————————————
So farewell Lucian Freud
Whose paintings I’ve always enjoyed
You got your success
Painting folks in undress
Which has to beat being employed.
*****
There was a director called Ken
Who made the odd film now and then
He did various ones
On composers and nuns
And one with nude wrestling men.
*****
So long Mr Christopher Hitchens
A writer of fervent convictions
He drank & he smoked
As he argued & joked
Verbal combat among his addictions.

About twitmericks

There is an old fellow called Mick/Who's been penning the odd limerick/I admit he's no Keats/But he does them in tweets/So to follow, you just have to click. https://twitter.com/#!/twitmericks "The limerick master of the twitterati" (The Guardian).
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