Author Archives: twitmericks

About twitmericks

There is an old fellow called Mick/Who's been penning the odd limerick/I admit he's no Keats/But he does them in tweets/So to follow, you just have to click. https://twitter.com/#!/twitmericks "The limerick master of the twitterati" (The Guardian).

Super Collider

What every Prime Minister needs/ When visiting cities like Leeds/ Is close supervision/ To fend off collision/ With joggers at dangerous speeds./// http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-29784493 What every Prime Minister needs When visiting cities like Leeds Is close supervision To fend off collision With joggers at dangerous … Continue reading

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Fallon Foul of the Boss

The member for Sevenoaks, Kent/ Made comments he had to repent/ On No 10’s prompt/ He said: “Forget ‘swamped’,/ ‘A bit under pressure’, I meant”!/// http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-29784486 The member for Sevenoaks, Kent Made comments he had to repent On No 10's prompt He said: … Continue reading

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Immaculate Constriction

A python who lives in Kentucky/ Got pregnant without getting lucky/ Contriving to make/ A wee baby snake/ With no mate and no ficky-fucky./// http://www.independent.co.uk/environment/nature/worlds-largest-snake-species-gives-virgin-birth-9818968.html A python who lives in Kentucky Got pregnant without getting lucky Contriving to make A wee baby snake With … Continue reading

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Lack of Intelligence

Our finest intelligence brains/ Took very considerable pains/ To spy on Left lecturers/ Thought to be treacherous/ Missing the Blunts & Macleans./// http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/revealed-how-mi5-watched-the-wrong-marxist-oxbridge-academics–christopher-hill-and-eric-hobsbawn-9814170.html Our finest intelligence brains Took very considerable pains To spy on Left lecturers Thought to be treacherous Missing the Blunts & … Continue reading

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Apocalypso Now

Ex-BBC DJ Mike Read/ Reluctantly had to concede/ He kept getting gyp, so/ His UKIP Calypso/ Will now be withdrawn at top speed./// http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-29722860 Ex-BBC DJ Mike Read Reluctantly had to concede He kept getting gyp, so His UKIP Calypso Will now be withdrawn … Continue reading

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Fish Do It

Some primitive fish in a lake/ Gave all evolution a break/ These fish with no necks/ Were first to have sex -/ They did it for everyone’s sake./// http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-29661446 Some primitive fish in a lake Gave all evolution a break These fish … Continue reading

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Joints of Lamb

Some sheep found a big bag of weed/ And used it as animal feed/ Creating alarm/ On old Fanny’s farm/ But better than giving them speed./// http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/cannabis-munching-sheep-left-high-kite-4455124 Some sheep found a big bag of weed And used it as animal feed Creating … Continue reading

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Arty or Arsy?

A sculpture in one Paris Square/ That’s puzzling residents there/ Resembles a toy/ Some people enjoy/ Inserting in their derrière./// http://www.france24.com/en/20141018-paris-giant-green-butt-plug-vandalised-paul-mccarthy-place-vendome/ A sculpture in one Paris Square That's puzzling residents there Resembles a toy Some people enjoy Inserting in their derrière. — Mick Twister … Continue reading

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Plane Stupid

There once was a chap on a plane/ Who spoke without using his brain/ “I have a disease”/ He said with a sneeze./ I don’t think he’ll do it again./// http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelvideo/11153395/Ebola-hoax-causes-scare-on-US-Airways-flight.html  

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Seaside Kippers

The voters of Clacton-on-Sea/ Elected a UKIP MP/ With Carswell’s defection/ And swift re-election/ We’ll see more Conservatives flee./// http://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/clacton-byelection-westminster-rocked-as-douglas-carswell-becomes-ukips-first-ever-mp-9786319.html The voters of #Clacton-on-Sea Elected a #UKIP MP With Carswell's defection And swift re-election We'll see more Conservatives flee. — Mick Twister (@twitmericks) October 10, … Continue reading

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