Author Archives: twitmericks

About twitmericks

There is an old fellow called Mick/Who's been penning the odd limerick/I admit he's no Keats/But he does them in tweets/So to follow, you just have to click. https://twitter.com/#!/twitmericks "The limerick master of the twitterati" (The Guardian).

Joints of Lamb

Some sheep found a big bag of weed/ And used it as animal feed/ Creating alarm/ On old Fanny’s farm/ But better than giving them speed./// http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/cannabis-munching-sheep-left-high-kite-4455124 Some sheep found a big bag of weed And used it as animal feed Creating … Continue reading

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Arty or Arsy?

A sculpture in one Paris Square/ That’s puzzling residents there/ Resembles a toy/ Some people enjoy/ Inserting in their derrière./// http://www.france24.com/en/20141018-paris-giant-green-butt-plug-vandalised-paul-mccarthy-place-vendome/ A sculpture in one Paris Square That's puzzling residents there Resembles a toy Some people enjoy Inserting in their derrière. — Mick Twister … Continue reading

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Plane Stupid

There once was a chap on a plane/ Who spoke without using his brain/ “I have a disease”/ He said with a sneeze./ I don’t think he’ll do it again./// http://www.telegraph.co.uk/travel/travelvideo/11153395/Ebola-hoax-causes-scare-on-US-Airways-flight.html  

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Seaside Kippers

The voters of Clacton-on-Sea/ Elected a UKIP MP/ With Carswell’s defection/ And swift re-election/ We’ll see more Conservatives flee./// http://www.standard.co.uk/news/politics/clacton-byelection-westminster-rocked-as-douglas-carswell-becomes-ukips-first-ever-mp-9786319.html The voters of #Clacton-on-Sea Elected a #UKIP MP With Carswell's defection And swift re-election We'll see more Conservatives flee. — Mick Twister (@twitmericks) October 10, … Continue reading

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Bad Breeding

A zoo had two captive hyenas/ In theory from Mars and from Venus/ But efforts to breed/ Were not to succeed/ As each, it transpired, had a penis./// http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/the-awkward-reason-why-a-zoo-couldnt-breed-two-hyenas–eJUXp8JqBe A zoo had two captive hyenas In theory from Mars and from … Continue reading

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The Battle of the Number Plate

The cast and the crew of Top Gear/ Have fled Argentina in fear/ A Falklands-themed plate/ Made locals irate/ So Clarkson was out on his ear./// http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/10/03/jeremy-clarkson-top-gear-argentina-number-plate_n_5926026.html The cast and the crew of Top Gear Have fled Argentina in fear A Falklands-themed plate Made … Continue reading

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Courting Controversy

Conservative minister Grayling/ Says liberal justice is failing,/ The ECHR/ Is going too far,/ And let’s bring back death by impaling./// http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/oct/03/tories-plan-uk-withdrawal-european-convention-on-human-rights Conservative minister #Grayling Says liberal justice is failing, The #ECHR Is going too far, And let's bring back death by impaling. — Mick … Continue reading

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Stiffin’ Griffin

A BNP former big hitter/ Was kicked out for being a splitter/ They gave him the flick/ So now poor old Nick/ Is not only racist, he’s bitter./// http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-29453341 A BNP former big hitter Was kicked out for being a splitter They … Continue reading

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Checking the Pigeonholes

In China, a land in the East,/ Some 10,000 doves were policed./ Security checked ‘em,/ Inspecting each rectum,/ Before they were safely released./// http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/reports-of-beijings-cavity-search-of-10000-doves-ruffle-feathers-in-china/article20873756/ https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/517331518025261056

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Nursing a Grievance

The BBC Trust has censured Horrible Histories for this sketch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBF3X2vkK7w on the relationship between Florence Nightingale and Mary Seacole. So here’s my limerick on the subject from There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar. There once was a nurse … Continue reading

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