London 2012 in Limericks

London 2012 in Limericks: A compilation of the highlights of the last fortnight.


There was a director named Danny/

Whose sense of occasion was canny/

James Bond & the Queen/

Brunel, Mr Bean/

Were all in his grand hootenanny.


The Tory MP Aidan Burley/

Sent tweets that were bitter & surly/

Flamed by Twitterati/

Disowned by his party/

He wishes he’d gone to bed early.


There are lots of seats at the Games/

Which every day nobody claims/

Whose seats, we don’t know/

Until old Lord Coe/

& LOCOG begin naming names.


There was a strange woman in red/

Who crashed the parade A-Z/

She walked with the cream/

Of the Indian team/

As the atmosphere went to her head.


There was a young woman from China/

Whose medley could not’ve been finer/

The rest had no hope/

So was she on dope/

Or simply a superfast minor?


An American swimmer named Phelps/

Won a medal amid cheers & yelps/

So now he’s won more/

Than any before/

(He’s in lots of events so that helps).


There was an exuberant mayor/

Well-built, with a mop of blond hair/

Who ran out of luck/

When a zip wire got stuck/

And left him to dangle mid-air.


There was a young cyclist named Phil/

Who had an unfortunate spill/

He made a clean breast/

& freely confessed/

The crash was an act of free will.


A swimmer who comes from the States/

Jumps in & at once urinates/

It’s lucky for Ryan/

There isn’t red dye in/

For him & his pool-peeing mates.


Jess Ennis the world number 1/

Can jump, hurdle, throw stuff & run/

She took a firm hold/

Of the heptathlon Gold/

& seems to win medals for fun.


There is a young fellow named Mo/

Who isn’t what one’d call slow/

Over 10,000 metres/

He beat the world-beaters/

Just look at that Londoner go.


There is a young fellow named Greg/

Apparently quite a good egg/

The red-headed leaper/

& self-professed weeper/

Won long-jumping gold by a leg.


A tennis star named Andy Murray/

Took gold at a venue near Surrey/

Repaying old debts/

As he won in straight sets/

He resembled a man in a hurry.


There is a young man from Jamaica/

A regular gold medal taker/

His name is Usain/

And he’s done it again/

A 2012 sprint record-breaker. 


Team GB gymnast Beth Tweddle/

Has won an olympic bronze medal/

The woman from Cheshire/

Was grace under pressure/

Despite a last-minute back-pedal.


There once was a sailor named Ben/

Who won the odd race now & then/

He pitched & he rolled/

& yet held on for gold/

To join GB’s all-time top 10.


There once was a cyclist named Kenny/

Who won a gold medal & then ‘e/

Collected a second/

Till everyone reckoned/

Twas no longer if, but how many.


A triathlon winner from Yorks/

Who swims, cycles runs & then walks/

Won a medal. His brother/

Collected another/

So Brownlees, get popping the corks!


Nicola Adams of Britain/

Is handy at throwing a mitten/

The boxer from Leeds/

Secured thru her deeds/

The first women’s medal for hittin’.


There was a young man named Usain/

Who played a familiar refrain/

It’s just 4 years since/

He won both the sprints/

& now Bolt has done it again.


Tunisian swimmer Mellouli/

Won gold in the Serpentine coolly/

What’s great about him

Is Oussama can swim/ 

In water that’s lakey or pooly.


A long-distance runner named Mo/

Has shown just how far he can go/

He’s won golden double/

With minimal trouble/

And made all the others look slow.


There once was a London Olympics/

That abandoned the narrow and blimpish/

And  made us all one/

United in fun/

All glued to the telly like limpets.


The do at the end of the Games/

Had one or two famous-ish names/

Who had Number Ones/

 And some ice-skating nuns/

And then it all went up in flames.


Now we have put out the flames/

Remember the stars of the Games/

Mo, David, Usain/

Brad, Michael & Ben/

Jess and Laura just some of their names.


Mick Twister –

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