London 2012 in Limericks: A compilation of the highlights of the last fortnight.
There was a director named Danny/
Whose sense of occasion was canny/
James Bond & the Queen/
Brunel, Mr Bean/
Were all in his grand hootenanny.
The Tory MP Aidan Burley/
Sent tweets that were bitter & surly/
Flamed by Twitterati/
Disowned by his party/
He wishes he’d gone to bed early.
There are lots of seats at the Games/
Which every day nobody claims/
Whose seats, we don’t know/
Until old Lord Coe/
& LOCOG begin naming names.
There was a strange woman in red/
Who crashed the parade A-Z/
She walked with the cream/
Of the Indian team/
As the atmosphere went to her head.
There was a young woman from China/
Whose medley could not’ve been finer/
The rest had no hope/
So was she on dope/
Or simply a superfast minor?
An American swimmer named Phelps/
Won a medal amid cheers & yelps/
So now he’s won more/
Than any before/
(He’s in lots of events so that helps).
There was an exuberant mayor/
Well-built, with a mop of blond hair/
Who ran out of luck/
When a zip wire got stuck/
And left him to dangle mid-air.
There was a young cyclist named Phil/
Who had an unfortunate spill/
He made a clean breast/
& freely confessed/
The crash was an act of free will.
A swimmer who comes from the States/
Jumps in & at once urinates/
It’s lucky for Ryan/
There isn’t red dye in/
For him & his pool-peeing mates.
Jess Ennis the world number 1/
Can jump, hurdle, throw stuff & run/
She took a firm hold/
Of the heptathlon Gold/
& seems to win medals for fun.
There is a young fellow named Mo/
Who isn’t what one’d call slow/
Over 10,000 metres/
He beat the world-beaters/
Just look at that Londoner go.
There is a young fellow named Greg/
Apparently quite a good egg/
The red-headed leaper/
& self-professed weeper/
Won long-jumping gold by a leg.
A tennis star named Andy Murray/
Took gold at a venue near Surrey/
Repaying old debts/
As he won in straight sets/
He resembled a man in a hurry.
There is a young man from Jamaica/
A regular gold medal taker/
His name is Usain/
And he’s done it again/
A 2012 sprint record-breaker.
Team GB gymnast Beth Tweddle/
Has won an olympic bronze medal/
The woman from Cheshire/
Was grace under pressure/
Despite a last-minute back-pedal.
There once was a sailor named Ben/
Who won the odd race now & then/
He pitched & he rolled/
& yet held on for gold/
To join GB’s all-time top 10.
There once was a cyclist named Kenny/
Who won a gold medal & then ‘e/
Collected a second/
Till everyone reckoned/
Twas no longer if, but how many.
A triathlon winner from Yorks/
Who swims, cycles runs & then walks/
Won a medal. His brother/
So Brownlees, get popping the corks!
Nicola Adams of Britain/
Is handy at throwing a mitten/
The boxer from Leeds/
Secured thru her deeds/
The first women’s medal for hittin’.
There was a young man named Usain/
Who played a familiar refrain/
It’s just 4 years since/
He won both the sprints/
& now Bolt has done it again.
Tunisian swimmer Mellouli/
Won gold in the Serpentine coolly/
What’s great about him/
Is Oussama can swim/
In water that’s lakey or pooly.
A long-distance runner named Mo/
Has shown just how far he can go/
He’s won golden double/
With minimal trouble/
And made all the others look slow.
There once was a London Olympics/
That abandoned the narrow and blimpish/
And made us all one/
United in fun/
All glued to the telly like limpets.
The do at the end of the Games/
Had one or two famous-ish names/
Who had Number Ones/
And some ice-skating nuns/
And then it all went up in flames.
Now we have put out the flames/
Remember the stars of the Games/
Mo, David, Usain/
Brad, Michael & Ben/
Jess and Laura just some of their names.
Mick Twister – @twitmericks.com