Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Clap in the Face

They’ve been the frontline standard-bearers,/

Those overworked PPE-wearers,/

But vis-a-vis pay,/

Our ministers say/

The motto remains ‘Crap for Carers’.///

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Cat on a hot train roof

“We’re sorry, we know it’s a pain
Your service is late once again.
We have to change platform,
As something in cat-form
Is sitting on top of this train”.

https://t.co/Kofiq48Tyt

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Rishily Rewarded

A fund in the budget has thrown
A few towns in Britain a bone,
And gives special treats
To Tory-held seats
Including the Chancellor’s own.

https://t.co/yI8FeuY5JD

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Moby Dick

The strangest marine creature seen is/
A worm of priapulus genus/
Which squirms on the bed/
And thrusts up its head,/
A quasi-autonomous penis.
///

https://t.co/y819ZpgzRR

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What’s up Doc?

A doc in a virtual dock/

Gave courtroom officials a shock./

“Please don’t commit perjury,/

If you’re not in surgery”/

The clerk asked, “Then why the blue smock?”///

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Free Verse

Is monetisation a curse,
And will it make Twitterland worse?
While Twitter’s top scholars
Want dollars for follers,
To poets, the charge is perverse.

https://t.co/amHraK84V3

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Bum Deal

The detail some purchasers missed in
This popular Amazon listing
Is that it is not
A cute table pot
But one that is spat, shat or pissed in.

https://t.co/hGcOkbnoij

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Cummings gets the hump

A dog was subjected to spin,/

And branded a traitor within /

Who randomly pissed/

And should be dismissed,/

Because he humped Cummings’s shin.///

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Terror Bite

A lass in Alaska, alas,
Was processing natural gas
Outside on the can
When out of the pan
A bear bit a piece of her ass.

https://t.co/1toSLyjbHo

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Winter Cruz

Republican Senator Cruz
Swapped midwinter power cut blues
For sunny Cancun,
Then said: “What, too soon?
Why can’t they just change the damn fuse?”

https://t.co/NMtizWT6Cr

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