Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Nasal Attraction

An Aussie put magnets in place/

To stop him from touching his face;/

Magnetic force kept ’em/

Stuck fast to his septum,/

And left him a hospital case.///

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Good Clean Fun?

Some specialist retailing hubs/

Donated disposable scrubs/

For COVID-19,/

More usually seen/

In medical fetishist clubs.///

 

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But We Won’t Do That

The government says it will do
Whatever it takes to subdue
This awful pandemic,
But drop the polemic
And work alongside the EU.

#COVID2019
#EU
#ventilators
#coronavirus
#COVID19

https://t.co/Ulyiryt5ER

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Crown Prince

There is an old fellow who’s been /
Confirmed to have COVID-19,/
But why was he tested,/
Health workers protested?/
It helps if your mother’s the queen.///

#COVID2019
#PrinceCharles

https://t.co/jVDU22Ifqr

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Cummings Storm

The Downing St spinners deny/

That Dominic Cummings said/

‘Why Lock down our community?/

We’ll get herd immunity -/

So what if some pensioners die?’///

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Sub Standard

For World Poetry Day, here’s a departure from limericks. Some experiences on Twitter of weird online shopping substitutions brought to mind Lewis Carroll’s surreal poem A Strange Wild Song – my template here.

She thought she bought some tampons from/

The website Jeff controls,/

She looked again, and saw it was/

A bag of sausage rolls,/

A rather cavalier approach,/

She felt, to plugging holes.

***

She thought she bought a walnut loaf/

To share with all of us,/

She looked again and saw it was/

A Tesco’s octopus./

We ate it with our tea because/

She didn’t want a fuss.

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Short Shrift

Republican Senator Burr
Was briefed as to what would occur,
And sold all his shares,
A state of affairs
That should see him banged up in stir.

https://t.co/9ISb2h3TFl

#CoronaCrisis
#SenatorBurr
#BurrKnew
#Burr
#GOPCorruptionOverCountry

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No Spring Chicken

A skull that has been disinterred
In Belgium, researchers averred,
Was not that of Yorick,
But some prehistoric
Yet well-preserved chicken-like bird.

https://t.co/JjWaLz6OQT

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Blanket Ban

The spread of the virus has shown
It’s one of the worst we have known,
A serious crisis,
So Johnson’s advice is
To maybe try sleeping alone.

#CobraMeeting

https://t.co/J2WlV0pQ6Z

 

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Rugby Tackle

Joe Marler is facing a call/

For sanction because in the maul/

He grabbed Jones’s nuts,/

A charge he rebuts,/

Insisting he went for the ball.///

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