Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013). https://twitmericks.com/book-news/

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Resisting A Vest

A senior Manchester cop/

Was censured for lifting her top,/

Displaying her breast/

And mocking the chest/

Produced by a colleague’s boob op.///

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/dec/01/police-chiefs-tirade-about-breasts-was-gross-misconduct-panel-rules

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Zac Attack

There is an old Tory named Zac/

Whom voters have given the sack/

He scored an own goal/

By calling a poll/

But failing to win his seat back.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-38178486

 

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Swamp Creature

Mnuchin the Wall St exec,/
The next US Treasury Sec,/
Was hired by Trump/
To drain a big swamp/
In which he is up to his neck.///

(Sorry about the half-rhyme in lines 3/4 – it felt close enough under the circs.)

http://edition.cnn.com/2016/11/30/politics/donald-trump-cabinet-washington-movers/

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Brexit’s a Piece of Cake

A Brexit note captured in shot/

Reveals the government plot/

Is Have Cake and Eat it/

Though Brussels may greet it/

With Shit or Get off of the Pot.///

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/brexit-latest-secret-memo-leak-plans-cake-and-eat-it-a7445231.html

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Balls on the Floor

If progress in politics stalls/

Don’t sit around waiting for calls/

Rebrand yourself slickly/

By going on Strictly/

And learning to do the Ed Balls.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-38123174

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London’s Burning

A wealthy old scion of punk,/

Deciding nostalgia was bunk,/

Constructed a pyre/

And set it on fire/

Destroying his parents’ old junk.///

https://www.theguardian.com/music/2016/nov/26/punx-not-dead-joe-corre-burns-memorabilia-worth-5m-on-thames

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Havana Top Banana

There was an old man with a beard/

Who said it is just as I feared/

Those CIA blokes/

Put bombs in my smokes/

And other stuff even more weird.///

So farewell Fidel Castro. I did a new version of the same idea here partly because the one in There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar (p 103, A Close Shave) was too long for Twitter. Also I didn’t use the ‘man with a beard’ treatment in the book because I’d already used it for Marx. Though the disadvantage with the one above is that it doesn’t allow me to include the details of the beard plot, involving depilatory cream. So here’s the limerick from the book. Take your pick:

There was an old man named Fidel

Whom agents attempted to fell.

Their schemes were quite weird

Like spiking his beard 

And cigars that would blow him to hell.///

And here are a few of the plots:

The straightforward: large bomb discovered under podium in Panama where he was to speak.

The subaquatic: bomb concealed in brightly-coloured shell for when he goes scuba-diving.

The ‘smoking kills’: exploding cigar.

The seductive: former lover with poison pills concealed in cold cream jar.

The skulduggery: poison-pen syringe.

The silly: depilatory fungus introduced to his socks to make his iconic beard fall out.

 

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Cold Store War

In Iceland v Iceland a claim/

Relating to use of their name/

Pits cold Nordic land/

Against foodstore brand/

Whose nomenclature is the same.////

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2016/nov/24/government-of-iceland-to-challenge-retail-chain-iceland-over-name-use

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Pants on Fire

An e-cigarette conflagration/

Erupted at Grand Central Station/

It burst like a rocket/

Inside a man’s pocket -/

At least that was his explanation.///

(OK – after seeing the video, I’m not going to doubt this man’s story!)
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Sheer Loonacy

Canadian bird the gray jay,/
To popular shock and dismay,/
Is national bird/
Though loons were preferred/
By most people having a say.///

http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/toronto/gray-jay-national-bird-canadian-geographic-rom-ornithologist-1.3856361

 

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