Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Confidence in confidence alone

A PM who’s now a lame duck/

Is nonetheless riding her luck;/

MPs expressed confidence,/

Despite her incompetence,/

And gave her more time up to fuck.///

 

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Mayday!

Theresa has lost her big fight,/

The May-backing Ayes to the right/

Not having the heft/

Of noes to the left/

Who reckon her Brexit deal’s shite.///

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Rock ‘n’ troll

When Williams got into a spat/

With Page in the neighbouring flat,*/

To get him annoyed/

He blasted Pink Floyd,/

Deep Purple and Sabbath – take that!///

*for rhyming and scansion – I know it’s a mansion.

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Quailing quisling

A Brexit supporter named Grayling/

Would like to see democrats quailing/

For fear that it might/

Incite the far right/

To find all their schemes unavailing.///

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Oh no it isn’t any good

A show with a beanstalk and Jack/

At Christmas came in for such flak/

They had to admit/

The panto was shit/

And give the admission fee back.///

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Radio stars

Astronomers picked up a trace/

Of radio signals from space,/

Suggesting we may/

Discover some day/

A podcasting alien race.///

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Cock-eyed prescription

A woman who to her surprise/

Got cream of the type one applies/

For penile dysfunction,/

Not ocular unction,/

Is now making love with her eyes.///

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Trucking hell

The government lined up some truckers,/

And taking the public for suckers,/

Said this would reveal/

They’re primed for No Deal,/

The lying incompetent fuckers*.///

*Looking back over 2018, I realised I’d used the last-minute swerve-the-swear-word gag about half a dozen times, so maybe I need to mix it up a bit more to keep you all on your toes!

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Ships with everything

All customers hiring our ships/

For post-Brexit freight-bearing trips/

In case of No Deal,/

When choosing your meal,/

Please order side salad or chips.///

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Lunar New Year

To China it seemed opportune/

To claim the dark side of the moon,/

And show, in the race,/

To colonise space,/

Who’s currently calling the tune.///

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