Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Ranter Claus

Dear Santa, all jolly and stout/

Got angry and started to shout;/

As children appeared,/

He ripped off his beard/

And hollered: “Just get the fuck out!”///

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Chocs away!

A leak at a plant making chocs/

Saw more than a tonne of its stocks/

Pour into the street/

Beneath people’s feet -/

A sweet opportunity knocks.///

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May poll dance

Conservative backing for May/

Masks problems that won’t go away;/

Finessing the backstop/

Will not make the flak stop -/

She lives to die some other day.///

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-46547246

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Party like it’s 1922

Sir Graham has 48 letters/

From applecart would-be-upsetters/

Desiring May’s exit,/

So let’s suspend Brexit/

While Tories resolve their vendettas.///

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2018/dec/12/brexit-chaos-conservative-mps-trigger-vote-of-no-confidence-theresa-may

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Off the wall

When Trump met Pelosi and Schumer,/

It put him in rather bad humour./

On hearing his wall/

Had no chance at all,/

He turned a deep shade of satsuma.///

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Christmas stuffing

A mum buying stuff for nativity/
Was thrown by the school’s negativity -/
To her it was news/
Inflatable ewes/
Are some people’s sexual proclivity.///

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AKA AKK

Ms Annegret Kramp-Karrenbauer/

Whom Merkel’s been grooming for power/

Is now to succeed ‘er/

As CDU leader,/

And after that? Cometh the hour…///

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Eels in seals

A hungry Hawaiian monk seal/

Was rather annoyed by an eel/

Which got up its nose,/

Researchers suppose,/

To get out of being its meal.///

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Shrinky-winky

The substance behind the neat trick/

Of making a saucepan non-stick/

Was recently tested,/

And when it’s ingested,/

Reduces the size of one’s dick.///

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Hugger mugger

A fashion world mover and shaker/

Coerced female staff at Ted Baker/

With forcible hugs/

While kissing their lugs,/

The lecherous liberty-taker.///

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