Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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What came over them?

A yard where bull semen was stowed/

Caught fire and went on to explode;/

The fire crews were dumbstruck,/

As vials of come struck/

By blasts began shooting their load.///

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Incredible Sulk

Perceiving the level of odium,/

Brave Boris abandoned the podium,/

The brown-trousered haste/

With which the man raced/

Suggesting a need for immodium.///

On Twitter

 

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Gimme Strength!

The PM declares he is Hulk/

Whose monstrous and infantile sulk/

Will make him grow muscles;/

Officials in Brussels/

Reply “What the actual fulk?”///

On Twitter

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Loo-ted

A house that was ever so old/

Was robbed by some burglars so bold/

Who, flushed with success,/

Now proudly possess/

A lavish lav, fashioned from gold.///

 

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Rewarding failure

Poor Cameron can’t understand/

Why things didn’t go as he planned,/

But though it’s depressing,/

There is just one blessing – /

The book’s earned him 800 grand!///

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Hey Mr Tangerine Man

The President’s seeking to dump/

Some light bulbs that give the old chump/

An orangey hue/

With which they imbue/

No person on earth except Trump.///

 

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Hard worker

A French firm was ordered to pay/

When one of its staff passed away,/

For Xavier X/

Who died during sex,/

Pegged out on the job, judges say.///

My fellow Twitter limericker from France, @GuillaumeCingal, replied to this post with a rather fine response, which he has kindly permitted me to add to the post here.
Après le décès de Xavier, /
Son patron doit raquer, et sans tergiverser./
Ainsi le veut la loi française :/
La mission pro inclut la baise ;/
Petite ou grande mort, tout sera remboursé.
The scansion is a little loose, but the wordplay in the punchline is rather more satisfying than mine – ‘petite morte’ means orgasm, so the last line roughly translates as ‘Orgasm or death, they’ll pay out on both’.

 

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Prorogue Mahone Again

A court found proroguing to stimey,/

As Johnson has done, rather grimy -/

It’s very unlawful/

And also quite awful,/

Misleading the number one limey.///

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Hawkward squad

The White House advisor John Bolton,/

Who liked it so hot it was molten,/

Fell out with the chief,/

A source of relief/

To countries he urged an assault on.///

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Ruddy Shocking

Poor gullible dupe Amber Rudd/

Is shocked to find Johnson a dudd/

Whose actions reveal/

His talk of a deal/

Is just a big mountain of crudd.///

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