Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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WhatsApp Doc?

 

The messaging network WhatsApp/

Is one secret agents can’t tap;/

The government’s sore,/

And wants a back door,/

Or maybe some kind of cat flap.///

http://www.theverge.com/2017/3/27/15070744/encryption-whatsapp-backdoor-uk-london-attacks

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Rome FOMO

While EU top brass met in Rome/

And popped a few bottles of foam/

To drink and carouse,/

Renewing their vows,/

Theresa stayed quiet at home.///

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2017/03/25/rome-treaty-jean-claude-juncker-says-tragedy-eu-celebrating/

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And Then There Were None

The member for Clacton-on-Sea/

Resigned as a UKIP MP/

Which leaves them with none/

Instead of just one/

With whom no one else could agree.///

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/mar/25/ukips-only-mp-douglas-carswell-quits-party

 

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Trump Stumped

 

Republican President Trump/

Made quite a big deal on the stump/

Of health reform plans/

Which, finding few fans,/

He ended up having to dump.///

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Mubarak Out

Mubarak the former dictator,/

Imprisoned for being a hater,/

Now finds himself freed -/

For Sisi the need/

Of cells for protesters is greater.///

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/24/hosni-mubarak-returns-to-cairo-home-after-six-years-in-custody

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Prize Limerick Competition Results

Well, aren’t you a talented bunch. Lots of good ideas, with a high standard of use of rhyme and metre. In fact, you’re so good that I’ve decided to give two more copies of There Once Was a Man with Six Wives as bonus prizes.

So here are the FIVE winners, presented not in ranked order, but in five categories arranged, of course, in AABBA formation:

  • The Euphemistic, from @HerodotusPenguin:

A king who was bored on his throne

Played verse-writing games on his phone

His manner hubristic

Found “throne” euphemistic

And utterly lowered the tone. 

 

  • The Onanistic, from Nile (posting here on the WordPress blog):

A king who was bored on the throne
Would wring for his pleasure alone
A nosy young courtier
Proposed something naughtier
…A thing that is best left unknown.

(Nile clearly thinks our king was a little on the pale side –  he was a wan king).

  • The Mythological, from @itsandygraves:

A king who was bored on the throne

Gave out a dispirited groan

It were a good trick

But I’m heartily sick

Can I put sword back in’t stone.   

(I’m not sure whether it was space pressure or humour value that led Andy to make King Arthur a Yorkshireman, but pretty much everywhere claims him, so what the hell!)

  • The Scatological,  from @htfb:

A king who was bored on the throne

Was heard by his courtiers to moan

“It is dull just to sit

Here, pretending to shit.

Where else might they leave me alone?

 

  • And the Linguistic, from @johnmoynes:

A king who was bored on the throne

Said “Her Majesty’s left me alone

I think she has gone

To chew on a scone

Or does one pronounce it a scone?”

 

Congratulations to those five winners -message me your name and address details and I’ll sort out the prizes – and thanks to all of you who entered.

A special mention must also go to Ken Gosse, who despite not being eligible for the prize (on account of living on the wrong side of the Atlantic), submitted no fewer than 14 limericks via comments on the Facebook page – you can read them all below the competition post here.

 

 

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R.I.P. Colin Dexter

The late great creator of Morse/

Was also a crosswording force/

Most clues’d pale nexter/

A belter by Dexter/

Who’s fondly remembered, of course.///

https://www.theguardian.com/crosswords/crossword-blog/2017/mar/22/crossword-blog-colin-dexters-life-in-five-clues-inspector-morse

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Martin’s Parting

An IRA leader named Martin/

Won plaudits for putting his heart in/

To ending a war/

That not long before/

He’d played a significant part in.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-39185899

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Top Seeds

For sperm in a race to succeed/

The secret is not simply speed/

Some spermatazoa/

Go fast and some slower/

But rhythm’s what makes a top seed.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-39292913

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Prize Limerick Competition

Your turn again – to mark the publication last month of  There Once Was a Man with Six Wives, my humorous and irreverent limerick history of kings and queens, I’m holding a limerick competition with copies of the book to give away, kindly donated by the publisher Pavilion.

The three best limericks will win a signed copy of the book – never mind if you’ve already bought one, it’ll make a great gift! Unfortunately copies can only be posted to the UK; limerickers elsewhere are welcome to enter if you can give me a UK address to send it to.

All you have to do is to write a limerick beginning with the line:

“A king who was bored on the throne”

There’s no compulsion to refer to historical fact or real people, unlike me you have free rein over past, present, future and fantasy.  But you do need to stick to the limerick metre and AABBA rhyme scheme – so the second and last lines will rhyme with ‘throne’ and the third and fourth will rhyme with each other. A brief guide/reminder on how to write a limerick can be found here.

Entries can be submitted as a comment either under this competition post here at twitmericks.com or at facebook.com/twitmericks, of course via Twitter, notifying me @twitmericksif you need more than 140 characters, use twitlonger, or attach a pic of your entry or something like that. Winners will be notified via whichever forum used, and I will post the winning entries here.

Closing date: 2359gmt Thursday March 23rd, 2017.

Judge: Mick Twister.

 

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