Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Side by Side by Sondland

An envoy beyond US borders/

When asked if Zelensky-rewarders/

Had offered a quid/

Pro quo, said they did:/

“We followed the President’s orders”.///

https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/1197239640715075584

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Don’t Vex Your Ex

The PM’s old flame, Ms Arcuri/

Says Johnson had better make shuri/

Picks up her next call,/

Or else she’ll tell all,/

For hell, as they say, hath no furi.///

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50458461

https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/1196707056268566528

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Pizzaphile Prince

A paedo-befriending old prince/

Went public but failed to convince,/

The claim that the royal/

Was simply too loyal/

Made PR professionals wince.///

Well, that was Take 1. But there was so much material in the interview, after I wrote that limerick, I just felt I hadn’t quite done justice to the self-justifying hypocrisy of it all. Or the pizza. So I allowed myself another go.

tweet

A prince who’s unable to sweat/

Is unsure which minors he met/

But nevertheless/

That Pizza Express/

Is one night he’ll never forget.///

another tweet 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-50446065

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Water Stupid Decision

When some in a council debate/

Won out in their bid to frustrate/

All action in Venice/

On climate change menace,/

Their room met a watery fate.///

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/venice-council-chambers-flood-moments-after-rejecting-climate-change-amendments_us_5dcddcb1e4b01f982efef03b?ri18n=true

the tweet on twitter

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Onan the Barbarian

Old Johnson loves pulling a flanker,/

Attacking his foes with some rancour,/

But since to withdraw/

Was Onan’s true flaw*,/

It’s unclear who here is the wanker.///

https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/boris-johnson-onanism-jeremy-corbyn-brexit-speech-election-tories_uk_5dcaf96de4b0eb9121299377?utm_hp_ref=uk-politics

*https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan

the tweet

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Living on air

For fans of a sugary roll,/

With weight they would like to control,/

A doughnut’s the thing,/

Which has in its ring/

A calorie-free central hole.///

https://inews.co.uk/inews-lifestyle/greggs-to-encourage-healthy-eating-by-offering-diet-doughnuts-with-a-hole-920674

donut tweet

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His Master’s Voice

The Brexiteer Farage will dump/

His promise to go on the stump/

In Tory-held seats,/

A climbdown that meets/

The wish of his boss, Donald Trump.///

on twitter

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Crude Soil

A chain store is turning to muck/

Because it thinks fossil fuels suck,/

The folks at John Lewis/

Concluding cow poo is/

The clean way to power a truck.///

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Launching into Trouble

Welsh minister Cairns has to quit,/

Rees-Mogg is an upper-class twit,/

Whom Bridgen admires,/

A fake ad backfires,/

And Johnson spouts microwaved shit.///

On Twitter

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Uncommonly Senseless

Old Jacob Rees-Mogg gave offence/

At victims of Grenfell’s expense/

With comments so crass/

It’s plain that the ass/

Entirely lacks common sense!///

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50302573

link to tweet version

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