Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Up for Dispoot

There is an old fogy named Poots,/
Whose view that our planet has roots/
Six thousand years old,/
Creationists hold,/
Though evidence plainly refutes.


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Bad Breath

A trick when fresh air becomes sparse is/
To use the hole meant for catharsis/
Instead to respire,/
For when things get dire,/
Some mammals breathe in through their arses.///


NB: Catharsis = evacuation of the bowels.

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Unhappy Ending

Police in a Hong Kong vice crackdown/
Found one client easy to track down/
As he was their chief,/
Just seeking relief/
From masseuses rubbing his back down.


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10 years of Limericks

Ten years back, one Tuesday in May/
On National Limerick Day/
I tweeted a rhyme/
To help pass the time,/
But then I got carried away.

Happy #NationalLimerickDay

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An email from West Midlands Trains/
Told staff in reward for their pains/
A bonus was due,/
But those clicking through/
Were told: “It’s a scam – use your brains!”


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Vein Effort

A castle best known as the site/
Where Dracula’s vampires, by
Took fresh blood donations,/
Now gives vaccinations,/
And hopes that the tourists will bite.


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Taking the Michael

A prince titled Michael of Kent/
Was shown in a sting to be bent;/
He offered a route in,/
For money, to Putin./
Perhaps he’s behind with the rent.


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Blame Game

As polling defeat became plainer/

For number one Labour campaigner/

And leader Sir Keir,/

‘The buck will stop here’/

Gave way to ‘sack Angela Rayner’.///

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Sweet Tweets

Dear tweeters, please take this advice,/
And try to say things that are nice:/
Before posting bitter/
And rude things on Twitter/
(Yes, even to assholes), think twice.


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Where’s the Loligo*

A town that successfully bid/
For hundreds of thousands of quid/
In Covid relief/
Quite beggared belief/
And splurged on a giant pink squid.


*The Japanese flying squid is in fact Todarodes pacificus. Loligo is a genus including the European squid. But it’s pretty close.

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