Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013) and There Once Was a Man with Six Wives: Kings and Queens in Limericks (Pavilion, 2017)

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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The Golden Behind

 

Police caught a smuggler so bold/

Whose arse hid a kilo of gold/

Asked why such a sum/

Was stuffed up his bum/

He answered that’s all it’ll hold.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-41383100

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Angela the Wrangler

The woman in charge in Berlin/
Secured an electoral win/
But Angela Merkel/
Must widen her circle/
And bring some new bedfellows in.///

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/sep/24/angela-merkel-faces-stark-choice-between-coalition-or-minority-rule

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Red Rag to a Hashtag

The audience watched on TV/
The President’s Twitter decree/
To Stand for the Flag/
Become a red rag/
And NFL stars #TakeTheKnee.///

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/other-sports/american-sports/nfl-players-kneel-en-masse-11229152

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Keep off the Grass!

Four stoners out climbing a fell/

Gave Cumbrian coppers a bell/

And said please come by -/

We all got so high/

We can’t seem to walk very well!///

http://www.nwemail.co.uk/news/barrow/Police-and-mountain-rescue-teams-called-to-help-walkers-stuck-on-Scafell-after-taking-cannabis-12bd7a19-9f16-40c1-952c-941ac57da00e-ds

 

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Pissed Off

A Dutch woman fined by a court/

Who pubicly peed when caught short/

Said men have pissoirs/

So where then are oirs?/

A posture that’s gaining support.///

http://www.dutchnews.nl/news/archives/2017/09/amsterdam-pee-in-public-protest-cancelled-too-many-women-want-to-attend/

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Look Back in UNGA

I’m updating things having been away for a few days – so here are a couple of limericks covering Trump and Kim Jong-Un’s UN speeches.

The POTUS set out where he stands/

On despots from faraway lands/

By using his speech/

To stress US reach/

While waving his minuscule hands.///

+++

The POTUS declared Kim Jong-Un/

A certified rocket man loon,/

So Kim labelled Trump/

A doting old chump,/

For both of them sing the same tune.///

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No go Bojo

A senior Brit statistician/

Rebuked a UK politician/

Whose lie about Brexit/

Falls down when one checks it/

But furthers his own blond ambition.///

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Hair’s Breadth Decision

A drug profiteer forfeits bail

And now has to go back to jail

For his diabolical

Hillary follicle

Seizure attempt epic fail.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-crime-shkreli/shkreli-ordered-jailed-after-online-bounty-on-hillary-clintons-hair-idUSKCN1BO2T8

 

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Cruz Abuse

Ted Cruz has been utterly panned/

For taking a moralist stand/

Then liking some porn/

But Cruz has now sworn/

He’s taking the matter in hand.///

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/ted-cruz-staffing-issue-led-to-porn-tweet-liked-by-account-w502493

 

 

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Arms and the Storm

Police are at pains to advise/
Gun-toting Floridian guys/
Keep shooting the breeze/
But gentlemen please/
To fire at a storm is unwise.///

https://www.vox.com/world/2017/9/10/16283316/hurricane-irma-2017-florida-shoot-guns

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