Author Archives: twitmericks

About twitmericks

There is an old fellow called Mick/Who's been penning the odd limerick/I admit he's no Keats/But he does them in tweets/So to follow, you just have to click. https://twitter.com/#!/twitmericks "The limerick master of the twitterati" (The Guardian).

Fannying the Flames

A product, one customer claims,/ Endorsed by big Hollywood names,/ Proved too hot to handle,/ Gwyn’s vadge-scented candle/ Exploding and shooting out flames./

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Hookup, Line and Sinker

The dating apps Tinder and Bumble/ Are helping the FBI rumble/ Trump’s Capitol stormers/ As flirting informers/ Snare Proud Boys in search of a fumble./

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TikTok and up she rises

Though pleasures in lockdown are scanty,And much social media’s ranty,Worse things, it may be,Still happen at sea,So cast off your cares with a shanty. https://t.co/vjB0CZmoLo

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Where there’s muck, there’s brass

A chap in a bit of a bind/ Asked staff at a landfill to find/ The hard drive he trashed/ With bitcoins uncashed -/ They’re waiting, he says, to be mined./

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The Giant Impeach

An orange-faced man of Palm Beach/ Who caused a security breach/ To try to redeem / His tangerine dream / Instead put the peach in impeach./

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Amazeballs

It’s not that he frequently falls,/ Or pulls up when leaving the stalls,// What’s making this horse/ So slow on the course/ Is just his extremely large balls.///

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Not so Super Spread

A firm of Conservative chums/ Was rumbled by furious mums/ For spending five quid/ On food for each kid/ While trousering much larger sums./ https://t.co/LqROVvwqdK

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Sweet Deal?

The people are starting to twigThe impact from Brexit is bigAnd getting immenserFor now Marks and SpencerMust pay to export Percy Pig. https://t.co/7PSgRZJHlx

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Great Misleader

“I’m shocked”, declared Trump, “through and through,At what we have witnessed. Who knewThe mob that I summonedWould be quite so dumb andDo just what I told them to do?” https://t.co/7dTWiKatK2

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Meet Ivor Biggun

Some argue it doesn’t belongOn children’s TV, but is wrongAnd inopportuneTo show a cartoonOn Penis-man’s very long schlong. https://t.co/VB4ts88QjY

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