Author Archives: twitmericks

About twitmericks

There is an old fellow called Mick/Who's been penning the odd limerick/I admit he's no Keats/But he does them in tweets/So to follow, you just have to click. https://twitter.com/#!/twitmericks "The limerick master of the twitterati" (The Guardian).

Mouseproud

A pensioner scratching his head/ About who had tidied his shed,/ By using his nous,/ Discovered a mouse/ That didn’t like mess near its bed./// A pensioner scratching his headAbout who had tidied his shed,By using his nous,Discovered a mouseThat … Continue reading

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Ewes it or lose it

Some 56 ewes went to term,/ Australian farmers confirm,/ Each bearing a lamb,/ From one long-dead ram,/ By means of some very old sperm./// Some 56 ewes went to term,Australian farmers confirm,Each bearing a lamb,From one long-dead ram,By means of … Continue reading

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Period piece

Dmitry was ever so able:/ He dreamed up, or so goes the fable,/ A way, by formatinum,/ Lead, zinc, carbon, platinum/ Et al might appear in a table./// Dmitry was ever so able:He dreamed up, or so goes the fable,A … Continue reading

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Putting the F in fibre

I’m sorry my speech is so rude,/ It’s not me but rather my food,/ Our ancestors’ diet/ Accounting for why it/ Is frequently fucking well crude./// I'm sorry my speech is so rude,It's not me but rather my food,Our ancestors' … Continue reading

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May not last

MPs gave their backing today/ To seeking a Brexit delay:/ As this month’s too soon,/ They’ll try end of June,/ (Before which will come end of May)./// MPs gave their backing todayTo seeking a Brexit delay:As this month's too soon,They'll … Continue reading

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Pecking order reversed

A fox who thought chickens were weak/ Discovered the harm they can wreak/ For once in their pen/ He found that the hen/ Is made with a very sharp beak./// A fox who thought chickens were weakDiscovered the harm they … Continue reading

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The brex files

Things are moving pretty fast these days… by the time I came to post this afternoon’s tweet it had been overtaken by tonight’s. Both follow: The PM went over to France/ And got some new words to enhance/ The deal … Continue reading

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Florida gets torrider

A Florida spa parlour owner/ And recent Republican donor/ Sells clients a hump/ Or access to Trump,/ Whichever will give them a boner./// A Florida spa parlour ownerAnd recent Republican donorSells clients a humpOr access to Trump,Whichever will give them … Continue reading

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Gin & shit

Next day when you feel overhung,/ Head pounding, with leathery tongue,/ You’ll sit there and think/ Now why did I drink/ That gin made from elephant dung?/// Next day when you feel overhung,Head pounding, with leathery tongue,You'll sit there and … Continue reading

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Vicious cycle

A club British Cycling decried/ Says members enjoying a ride/ Were treated with scorn/ As Pedallers of Porn/ Were pulled out and just tossed aside./// A club British Cycling decriedSays members enjoying a rideWere treated with scornAs Pedallers of PornWere … Continue reading

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