Klopp goes Topp

A 30-year wait has now ended
In spite of a season extended,
No fans in the Kop,
No handshakes for Klopp
And walking alone recommended.

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Don’t in Dorset

The thousands who pack Bournemouth’s beaches
In mass social distancing breaches That drive police nuts
Are “showing some guts” –
They practise what Boris now preaches.

https://t.co/OP54D4WJu4

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Haughty Culture

An opera, so it appears,/

Reduces poor onions to tears;/

Complaints of monotony/

Ring out from the botany,/

But grasses and wheat are all ears.///

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Viral Campaign

The Trump campaign rally in Tulsa
Was rather a people-repulser,
His bid for election
By spreading infection
As popular there as an ulcer.

https://t.co/Th28zpHwFj

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No let-off for letting off

A flatulent Austrian bloke
Was fined over wind that he broke,
The noise from his anus
Indictably heinous
Because it was done to provoke.

https://t.co/1YbnP0fKpi

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Fertile Turtle

Diego the tortoise retired,
Whose sex drive was greatly admired;
Held captive to breed,
He sowed so much seed
That 800 offspring were sired.

https://t.co/7YysPaRFWj

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Quacks in the System

A shopper enjoying good luck
Hatched three shop-bought eggs from a duck,
Which shows there are holes
In farmyard controls
Ensuring they lay, but don’t fuck.

https://t.co/dSU3mbWrRw

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Hands up if you’re a Nazi

You come here in search of dispute,
Apparently pissed as a newt,
To guard Churchill’s statue,
So why is it that you
Are giving a Nazi salute?

https://t.co/zRNuuhQ4iY

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Brex-tension

The PM has zero intention/

Of seeking a Brexit extension,/

Though trade talks are stalling/

And GDP’s falling,/

Occasioning some apprehension.///

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Double Bubble

Two households creating a bubble
Will no longer get into trouble
For staying the night,
Enjoying the right
To make proper use of that double.

https://t.co/ghDuShwQfc

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