Car in a Scrape

To butter a car isn’t funny,/

Say cops – cleaning up will cost money;/

Among things they dread are/

This crazed superspreader/

Returning, but next time with honey.///

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Arl Be Damned

A DUP leader named Foster/

Has quit after pals double-croster,/

The Irish Sea border,/

Which led to disorder,/

Among recent issues that coster.///

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The Hair to Blair

The former PM, Tony Blair,/

Was feeling a little bit spare/

And lacking a role,/

But now his new goal/

Appears to be growing his hair.///

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Vowel evacuation

A Standard Life rebranding wheeze/
Is bothering vowel devotees,/
Who feel Abrdn*/
Can only have bn/
Dreamed up after dropping some Es.
///

*”Pronounced ‘Aberdeen'”

https://t.co/NZlK255Qoe

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Spread the Love/Hate

Choose the limerick that best fits your view on this controversial topic:

1)

As lockdown has brought to a head/
A shortage of yeast extract spread,/
Poor lovers of marmite/
In search of a jar might/
Have nothing to put on their bread.
///

2)

As lockdown has brought to a head/
A shortage of yeast extract spread,/
Sad freaks who like marmite/
In search of a jar might/
Just have to eat honey instead.
///

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/food-and-drink/marmite-shortage-supplies-stocks-b1836374.html

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Cummings has a Go

The man who was Johnson’s right hand/
Says touting for 58 grand/
In party donations/
To fund renovations/
Was dodgy and probably banned.
///

https://t.co/QDVyU8RQvy

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Moral Vacuum

For Johnson to thus undertake/
To fix the tax laws for the sake/
Of dust buster Dyson/
Was flagrant enticin’ -/
You don’t give a sucker a break.
///

https://t.co/mklVtQsagL

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Pub Hubbub

In Somerset canvassing, Keir/
Nipped into the pub for a beer./
The landlord, a sceptic,/
Went quite apoplectic/
And yelled: “You’re not welcome in here!”
///

https://t.co/AuhN5rkE31

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Professional Foul

The governing body UEFA/
Says breakaway plotters will PEFA/

Their superleague plans,/
Which none of their fans,/
It seems, has a good word to SEFA.///

https://t.co/Q0DEWeubRc

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Gnobody Home

Retailers who seek to import/

Equipment for gardens report/

Since Suez got blocked/

They can’t get restocked,/

And gnomes are especially short.///

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