Farewell Helmut

Farewell German Chancellor Kohl/

 Who played a significant rohl/

In fusing the nation,/

Reunification – /

I guess it worked out on the whohl.///

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jun/16/helmut-kohl-ex-chancellor-and-architect-of-german-reunification-dies-aged-87

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Trump Must be Seen to be Done

Enquiries are being conducted/
To see if the POTUS obstructed/
A judicial probe;/
All over the globe/
Observers say he sure as fucted.///

https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/special-counsel-is-investigating-trump-for-possible-obstruction-of-justice/2017/06/14/9ce02506-5131-11e7-b064-828ba60fbb98_story.html?utm_term=.2ff12885504a&wpisrc=nl_most-draw8&wpmm=1

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Tim Nice-but-prim?

The Liberal Democrat chief/

Declares his religious belief/

Conflicts with the role;/

It soured last week’s poll/

And led to his coming to grief.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-40281300

 

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Votes to Goats: UK Election in Limericks

I’ve brought together the first five days of my post-election limerick reports in one post – from votes to goats.

May Hem – Theresa Blows it

There once was a woman named May/

Who threw an election away/

She lost her majority/

And has no authority/

How long can she honestly stay?///

Stormin’ Corbyn – Jez He Could

An old Labour man with a beard/

Conservative media smeared/

Got more folks elected/

Than pollsters expected/

And some in his own party feared.///

Nuttall Scuttalled – UKIP Wipeout

Ex-leader of UKIP Paul Nuttall/

Whose campaign was not very suttall/

Has now had to quit/

Because he was shit/

As shown by the voters’ rebuttall.///

Clegg on His Face – Nick loses Sheffield Hallam

A Sheffield MP known as Nick/

Attracted a fair bit of stick/

And some aggravation/

For his Con-Dem nation/

And now he’s been given the flick.///

Over a Barrel of Foster’s – DUP Deal 

The DUP chief Arlene Foster/

Will fill the Conservative roster/

With her ten MPs;/

Though happy to please,/

She’s told Mrs May it’ll cost ‘er.///

Adieux Aides – Fiona and Nick Nixed 

Theresa’s adviser Fiona/

Has seen her boss swiftly disona/

With fellow aide Nick;/

May had to move quick/

To counteract moves to dethrona.///

Reshuffle Kerfuffle

In May’s underwhelming reshuffle/

She had to avoid a kerfuffle/

Unable to shunt/

Fox, Johnson or Hunt/

For fear of whose feathers she’d ruffle.///

Gove Will Tear Us Apart 

Theresa May had to name Gove/

As Tory environment cove,/

Compelled to recycle/

Her enemy Michael/

Against whom she formerly strove.///

Paper-thin Excuse

The Queen’s Speech is being delayed/

As it is exclusively made/

With ink that has dried/

Upon a goat hide/

So scapegoats will have to be flayed.///

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Paper-thin Excuse

1

The Queen’s Speech is being delayed/

As it is exclusively made/

With ink that has dried/

Upon a goat hide/

So scapegoats will have to be flayed.///

2

According to custom in Britain/

Theresa May’s plan must be written/

In ink on the scrote/

Of a very old goat/

Inscribed by the tail of a kitten.///

https://inews.co.uk/essentials/news/politics/queens-speech-delayed-goatskin-parchment-paper-logistics/

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Soft-shoe Shuffle

  1. In May’s underwhelming reshuffle/

She had to avoid a kerfuffle/

Unable to shunt/

Fox, Johnson or Hunt/

For fear of whose feathers she’d ruffle.///

2. Theresa May had to name Gove/

As Tory environment cove,/

Compelled to recycle/

Her enemy Michael/

Against whom she formerly strove.///

http://news.sky.com/story/limited-reshuffle-points-to-theresa-mays-lack-of-authority-10912895

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Adieux Aides

Theresa’s adviser Fiona/

Has seen her boss swiftly disona/

With fellow aide Nick;/

May had to move quick/

To counteract moves to dethrona.///

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/jun/10/theresa-may-top-advisers-quit-nick-timothy-fiona-hill-tory-recriminations-grow

 

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Stormin’ Corbyn

 

An old Labour man with a beard/

Conservative media smeared/

Got more folks elected/

Than pollsters expected/

And some in his own party feared.///

NB: I’ve been away for a couple of days, tweeting but not updating the blog – so there are a couple more post-election limericks on the way.

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Over a Barrel of Foster’s

The DUP chief Arlene Foster/

Will fill the Conservative roster/

With her ten MPs;/

Though happy to please,/

She’s told Mrs May it’ll cost ‘er.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/election-2017-40219030

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Nuttall Scuttalled

Ex-leader of UKIP Paul Nuttall/

Whose campaign was not very suttall/

Has now had to quit/

Because he was shit/

As shown by the voters’ rebuttall.///

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/jun/09/paul-nuttall-stands-down-as-ukip-leader-after-disastrous-election-result

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