Broadcast Nudes

An anchor in Spain, while on air,
Broke news of his latest affair,
For there in the shot
A girl who was not
His partner was visible, bare.

#WFH
#Spain
#alfonsomerlos

https://t.co/DqG3TvlfZW

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The Evening Moos

In search of new things to be doing/

Instead of just sitting and stewing,/

The people of Belper/

Have found a great helper/

Is joining in communal mooing.

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Moving Targets

The UK health minister toasts/

Success as he eagerly boasts/

His target’s been met/

On testing, and yet/

He got there by moving the posts.///

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Sales Droop

The firm that makes Durex is flagging
That sales of its product are sagging
As lockdown affects
Occurrence of sex,
Especially casual shagging.

#Durex
#coronavirus

https://t.co/EiswMenNdT

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Superficial Backing

The top Swedish scientist dude
So captured the national mood
In tackling the virus
That some are desirous
Of having his likeness tattooed.

#COVID19
#Sweden
#AndersTegnell

https://t.co/rPM1GCywQm

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Covid N-n-n-n-nineteen

The U.S. pandemic’s killed more
Than died in the Vietnam war,
With all under threat
As bone spurs won’t get
You safety, as happened before.

#CoronavirusUSA
#VietnamWar
#BoneSpurs45
#Trump

https://t.co/3yFEGRrvXl

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Must Fry Now

The Belgians in lockdown don’t eat/

French fries that you buy on the street,/

So millions of taters/

Will end up in craters/

Unless they can make their own frites.///

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Clean Round the Bend

A chap who’s an odd shade of peach
Says treatments may be within reach,
And if ultraviolet
Falls short when you trial it,
Advises injections of bleach.*

#Trump
#disinfectant

https://t.co/VfTOSQxEuS
*This limerick is satirical and should not be read as endorsing such insanity.

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Enhanced Protection

A woman was shot in the chest,/

But saved by her implanted breast:/

The bullet’s deflection/

Affording protection/

By silicone bulletproof vest.

///

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Scraping the Bottom

The oil price has fallen so far,
When sold on the futures bazaar,
It’s worth less than nought,
Provoking the thought
Who’ll pay me to fill up my car?”

https://t.co/aat7cxDNZ2

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