To mark a year of Twitmericks, here are some highlights:

MAY 2011

Mr X has had zero compunction

In taking a superinjunction.

It bars me from saying

Whose part X was playing

Or describing the bodily function.

—-

The violent death of Osama

Was ordered by Barack Obama

But some say the leader

Behind al Qaeda

Had his dogma knocked down by his karma.

JUNE 2011

The Mediterranean diet

Is austerity, tear gas and riot

As lines of police

Charge protesters in Greece

Causing pan-European disquiet.

—

I fear that a blogger called Tom

Has faked who he is, and where from

He can’t as he says be an

Arabic lesbian

And a heterosexual Scots homme.

JULY 2011

A cynical liar named James

Fires the poor suckers he blames

I hope all the hacks

Mr Murdoch now sacks

Blow the whistle & start naming names.

—

In Wimbledon there was a bit of a

Surprise win for Ms Petra Kvitova

She launched her career

By taking Maria

Sharapova & making a tit of ‘er.

AUGUST 2011

The riots in London don’t stem

From the tensions of us against them

Forget sociology

Blame the technology

Twitter, FB, BBM.

—

Galliano, big cheese in design

Got a 6,000-odd Euro fine

For race-hate to Jews

Which he blamed on the booze

(An unusual reaction to wine).

SEPTEMBER 2011

A serial shagger from France

Was accused as we all looked askance

Now DSK’s sorry

But his no. 1 worry

Is he screwed his political chance.

—

REM’s rock n roll poet

Who’s aging & starting to show it

Split the band up online

And tho I feel fine

It’s the end of the world as we know it.

OCTOBER 2011

Libya’s modern-day Caesar

Was laid on a slab in a freezer

His power stripped bare

No more glad-handing Blair

or making eyes at Condoleezza.

——–

Pseudo-Fox aide Adam Werritty

Acted the part with dexterity

But it takes cash to fly

Every month to Dubai

So who was behind his prosperity?

NOVEMBER 2011

There is an old man from Milan

Who’s hung on as long as he can

But now every last crony

Has ditched Berlusconi

His political life’s down the pan.

—

That funny old man Mr Blatter

Says racist abuse doesn’t matter

Shake hands, it’s a game

Nobody’s to blame

But fans want his head on a platter.

DECEMBER 2011

Cameron‘s shock intervention

At last week’s big EU convention

May not have been driven

By reasons he’s given

But rather by urine retention.

—

So long Mr Christopher Hitchens

A writer of fervent convictions

He drank & he smoked

As he argued & joked

Verbal combat among his addictions.

JANUARY 2012

A man was arrested this week

For possession of Saddam’s butt-cheek

He said: “It’s a farce/

It’s only an arse

I’m on a bum rap, so to speak”.

—

A once noble Knight named Sir Fred

Minus title, is just Fred the Shred

Liz took it away

& back in the day

She might’ve said “Orf With His Head!”.

FEBRUARY 2012

There once was a very old horse

Who after some years in the force

Was lent to Ms Brooks

Who had cops on the books

A fact unrelated of course.

—

The energy minister Chris

When living in conjugal bliss

Gave his points to his wife.

Due to marital strife

He must pay now for being remiss.

MARCH 2012

There once was a man with a tax

Which he levied on takeaway snacks

But only when warm

It’s a half-baked reform

That apparently nobody backs.

—

There once was an old rutting chimp

Now suspected of being a pimp

To his lawyer it’s just

Poor old DSK’s lust

An excuse many find a bit limp.

APRIL 2012

Peace envoy Kofi Annan

Had what he believed was a plan

But he may have been had

By Bashar Assad

Who’s rather a devious man.

—

The special adviser, or SPAD

Is a highly expendable lad

Who will carry the can

When the shit hits the fan

So the minister doesn’t look bad.

MAY 2012

The UK election for mayors

Is a curious state of affairs

With odd little stories

Where Lib Dems & Tories

Get beaten by penguins & bears.

—

A great many eras ago

According to those in the know

A dinosaur farted

And climate change started.

Now that was a serious blow.