twitmericks

The threat of a coup by some Russians/
Was ended when last-ditch discussions/
Defused Wagner’s mutiny/
But as for old Putin, he/
Ought to expect repercussions.///

Though some might consider it wrong/
To party away all night long/
With lockdown in force,/
For Boris of course,/
Participants merit a gong.///

“In kangaroo courts I was tried,/
As colleagues deserted my side,/
And though I must quit/
(At least for a bit)/
I never told lies”, Johnson lied.///

Researchers believe masturbation/
Goes back to our oldest relation:/
Since primates had mitts,/
They’ve fingered their bits/
For sexual gratification.///

A cheese firm is getting some stick/
For using an edited pic,/
The Cerne Abbas Giant/
Made censor-compliant/
By chopping the poor fellow’s dick.///

Ex-minister Jacob Rees-Mogg/
Left seasoned observers agogg/
By casually noting/
That IDs for voting/
Were meant to make Tories top dogg.///

In Westminster just around noon,/
On top of the great Stone of Scone,/
Celebs stood around/
As Chazzer got crowned/
And drizzled with oil from a spoon.///

There once was an anchor named Tucker
Who spun to help Trump, his old mucker,
But lawsuits ensued
So, tired of the dude,
Fox finally fired the sucker.

A man who was not a nice boss/
Resigned in a manner most cross:/
For victims, the bully/
Made clear that he fully/
Did not give a hint of a toss.///

bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politi…

Old bronze age Menorcans in caves
Had mass ceremonial raves
And got off their faces,
According to traces
Of drugs found in hairs from their graves.