Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013). http://twitmericks.com/book-news/

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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To mark Shakespeare’s 450th birthday, here is the author’s cut (i.e. longer) of my chapter on him in There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar.

There was an old fellow named Will

Who wrote with rare humour and skill.

In sonnets and plays

He coined many a phrase

But the sad fact is, Will couldn’t spill*.


The Queen’s English is filled with household words coined by, or popularised by, William Shakespeare. Language was meat and drink to him. His works were responsible for a sea change in our  language and literature that was to reach all corners of the world.

But it wasn’t a foregone conclusion. Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness thrust upon ‘em – Shakespeare achieved it.

Born in Stratford, he was married at 18 to Anne Hathaway (no, not that one!). Thereby hangs a tale, but then the course of true love never did run smooth.

He wrote tragedies to make your hair stand on end, and comedies to have you in stitches, and his sonnets were such stuff as dreams are made on. He knew that brevity is the soul of wit, though this was at times honoured  more in the breach than the observance – the Bard could lay it on with a trowel.

Though Shakespeare never trod the primrose path, as good luck would have it, he was able to achieve his heart’s content before shuffling off this mortal coil. So all’s well that ends well.

In fact, it’s more in sorrow than in anger that I have to add that his spelling would be given short  shrift by any English teacher nowadays. As well as the 20-odd phrases you may have spotted above, Shakespeare’s been credited with coining 1700 words – often using  tricks such as verbing nouns or nouning verbs, but also by spelling the same word in multiple different ways depending on his mood.

And of course, it has been noted before that the title of this chapter is an anagram of William Shakespeare.  But then, what’s in a name?

*No, not a mistake – it’s my new coinage, OK?



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Not EU, Darling

A UKIP campaign causing strife/

Says EU migration is rife/

And jobs meant for Brits/

Are taken by Fritz/

(Not least Nigel Farage’s wife).



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Back, Sack and Crack


This one was inspired by today’s front page of the Sun: 

Embedded image permalink

Well. it was virtually a limerick already, just needed a few tweaks, so I had a go:

Old Moyesy was stabbed in the back/

He said as they gave him the sack/

The Sun reckons Dave/

Has had a close shave/

As Man U continues to crack.


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The Frozen One

There was an old fellow named Moyes/
Who took over Ferguson’s boys/
Before very long/
It all went Pete Tong./
What football creates it destroys.
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Do You Know the Way from San Jose?

A teenager left San Jose/

By secretly stowing away/

And managed to fly/

From there to Hawaii/

To airline officials’ dismay.



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Silvio Foxed

A former top leader in Rome/

Of heavily transplanted dome/

Who liked bunga-bunga/

With women much younger/

Now works in an old people’s home.



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Booty-flicker Back

There is an old man in Algiers/
Who’s in for another 5 years/
Although Bouteflika/
Gets weaker & weaker/
His hold on the state perseveres.
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Chronicle of A Death

There was an old man, Gabriel/ 
To whom we must now say farewell/
His novels live on/
But Marquez is gone/
A death we could sadly foretell.
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Taking the Piss

A reservoir had to be drained/
So Portland officials explained/
When someone passed water/
Where nobody oughta/
(Let’s hope all the fishes refrained).




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News of The Screws

The ex-tabloid editor Andy/

Admitted that when he got randy/

He romped in the sack/

With fellow Screws hack/

Rebekah (his boss, which was handy)



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