Mick Twister

Mick Twister is an anagram of Twitmericks.

Mick writes limericks about the news on Twitter, pretty much daily, as @twitmericks. These are also reproduced below, with links to the relevant news stories.

He is the author of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar: A History of the World in 100 Limericks (Anova, 2013). http://twitmericks.com/book-news/

He writes limericks with a biblical theme for the quarterly 197 Piccadilly magazine. http://www.sjp.org.uk/uploads/1/6/5/7/16572376/____pp197_autumn_2013smaller.pdf

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Fight for your Writes

The spelling reformers’ advance/
Has led to a big song & dance/
“Allons! Man the decks!/
Declares the resistance in France.///
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Groundhog Day All Over

There is an old groundhog named Phil/

With meteorology skill/

On February 2nd,/

It’s generally reckoned,/

His absence foreshadows a chill.///


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Gene Genies

Researchers with authorisation/
For embryo modification/
Can edit the genes/
But must by no means/
Continue to foetal gestation.///
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Dipsomatic Spat

Inviting Rouhani to dine/

The French took a principled line/

Let’s cancel the meeting/

There’s no point in eating/

Unless we can also have wine.///



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Go Figure

The people at Google designed/

An AI computer, DeepMind/

That triumphed at Go/

Five times in a row -/

It’s time to make way, humankind.///



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Robert Burns: A Limerick Appreciation


Gary, the landlord of Ye Olde Mitre Inne, my fine local in Barnet, north London, asked me to read a few verses for Burns Night. Well, I’ll do anything for a large Laphraoig.

Not being Scottish, I was not going to try to do justice to any of Robert Burns’s own works, so I wrote my own limerick tribute to him – focusing on the humorous and lewd side of the poet’s work, of course.

The rude poems referred to can be found in a collection called the Merry Muses of Caledonia  – further info and link to PDF of them here: Merry Muses of Caledonia

*             *          *

There was a Scots poet named Burns

Not all of whose verses one learns

Besides Auld Lang Syne

He wrote the odd line

That dealt with more earthy concerns.


He came from the county of Ayr

And penned many verses so fair

On liberty, life

And why his new wife

Did not have hair growing down there.


Burns wrote and wrote, once he got started

Some serious, others light-hearted

An ode to a mouse

And one to a louse

And one to a woman who farted.


As well as high verse, I’m afraid he

Wrote stuff that is rather more shady

He reckoned he knew

The feminine view –

Nine inch, wrote Burns, will please a lady.


He died of a rheumatic fever

Not 40, but quite an achiever:

Not just Red Red Rose

Which everyone knows

But – less famous – Cock Up Your Beaver.


So dress in your best bib and tucker

And come to the pub with your mucker

And let’s drink a toast

To Gary, our host

And the poet who gave us The Fornicator.


Mick Twister







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Vatican Cover-up

Rouhani saw Vatican City/

And lots of its art that’s so pretty/

But anything nude/

Was not to be viewed -/

They hid away every last titty.///


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Restoration Comedy

King Tut was a pharaoh revered,/

His curse universally feared./

So pity the berk/

Who cocked up the work/

Of gluing his blue and gold beard.///


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Don’t be Stingy

A very big firm making stacks/
Found HMRC rather lax/
Now bosses at Google/
Who’ve long been so frugal/
Have kindly agreed to pay tax.///
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Blunt Truth

A Tory MP who takes poppers/

Said this is no matter for coppers/

‘Twould be an affront/

Declared Crispin Blunt/

To demonise lawful drug shoppers.///


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