In the form of my alter-ego, Mick Hodgkin, I am currently appearing on Series 11 of the BBC2 quiz show Only Connect, with my friends and fellow cryptic crossword aficionados Richard Heald and John Tozer – we are the Cluesmiths. http://www.radiotimes.com/episode/dtrm8n/only-connect–series-11—17-cluesmiths-v-mixologists

(UK TV only, but shows appear on Youtube later – here’s our first appearance).

As part of the show we are introduced with a bit of eclectic biographical info, so in this week’s (episode 17) I was able to slip in the fact that I have written a history of the world in limericks (this one of course – http://www.amazon.co.uk/There-Was-Geezer-Called-Caesar/dp/1907554866).

So when asked by our host Victoria Coren for a limerick about the programme, I of course obliged. It may not mean much to those unfamiliar with the format, but it might help to know that when you pick a question you have to ask for an ancient Egyptian hieroglyph – Water, Lion, Two Reeds, Horned Viper, Eye of Horus and

So anyway, here it is:

Contestants on Only Connect/

Are never sure what to expect/

We’ll pass Eye of Horus/

Then Lion will floor us/

With something we can’t recollect.

I then wrote another, which I think would have been better to read out:

A TV show host named Victoria/

Presides with apparent euphoria/

While various nerds/

All grapple with words/

And then when it’s over she’ll score ya.///

Having missed the moment, I just wrote that one in a copy of the book and presented it to VC… I like to think it has pride of place in the Coren Mitchell toilet.