In case you forget the odd name,
And what brought these ministers fame,
Their lives and their crimes,
I found some old rhymes
For this hall of limerick shame.
SAJID JAVID, CHANCELLOR
Sajid made a stand from the start
With legs that were splayed wide apart,
The power position
A top politician
Adopts when he’s bracing to fart.
DOMINIC RAAB, FOREIGN SECRETARY
The Brexit Sec’s lately been struck
That Britain needs shipments by truck
That pass through Calais;
The rest of us say:
“I mean, what the actual fuck?”
PRITI PATEL, HOME SECRETARY
A minister off on a mission
Met Israel’s top politician
But Priti Patel
Neglected to tell
Her bosses, a foolish omission.
MICHAEL GOVE, CABINET OFFICE
There was an old Tory named Gove
Who said “I am such a fine cove
If I can contrive it
So every school’s private
We’ll all be like I am, by Jove!”
LIZ TRUSS, INTERNATIONAL TRADE
Post-Brexit, announces Liz Truss,
More naan exports could be a plus,
The same goes for crumpets,
Though these things she trumpets
Were not on the Leave campaign bus.
GAVIN WILLIAMSON, EDUCATION
The Cabinet row over Huawei
Unfolded in quite a bizawei:
Theresa got piqued,
Said Gavin had leaked
And told him “Mawei or the Hawei!”
NICKY MORGAN, CULTURE
An aide to Prime Minister May
Said “Keep Nicky Morgan away”
Because she asked whether
For trousers in leather
A grand was a bit much to pay.
ANDREA LEADSOM, BUSINESS
For May, losing Andrea Leadsom
Leaves things looking ever more dreadsome
But Tories may find
Once May has resigned
The problem is not just who heads ’em.
AMBER RUDD, WORK AND PENSIONS
The member for Hastings and Rye
Has bid the Home Office goodbye,
Unable to handle
The Windrushgate scandal,
Caught out by a Ruddy great lie.
GRANT SHAPPS, TRANSPORT
There once were a couple of chaps
But both, it turns out, were Grant Shapps –
The Tory MP
Had another ID
He tried hard to keep under wraps.