twitmericks

A senior judge, Butler-Sloss/
On hearing a C of E boss/
Was being accused/
Of having abused/
Said don’t bash the bishop, if poss.///

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/crime/10963332/Baroness-Butler-Sloss-hid-claims-of-bishops-sex-abuse.html

A striker whose play is exciting/
Who found Barcelona inviting/
Departed the Mersey/
To wear Barca’s jersey/
They dangled the bait & he’s biting.///
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/28180600

A singer with friends in low places/
Whose music the public embraces/
Will go on his knees/
& say Enda please/
Ignore petty licensing cases///
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/ireland/10961066/Garth-Brooks-offers-to-beg-the-Irish-PM-to-intervene-in-his-cancelled-concerts-row.html

The government justifies trawls/
Of citizens’ emails and calls/
As terror prevention/
Thru data retention/
But some people reckon that’s balls.///
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/jul/10/emergency-surveillance-laws-rushed-through-cross-party-support
https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/487207451301658625

There was a Brazilian side/
Whose players were famed far and wide/
Till one July night/
It all went to shite/
And Germany battered their pride.///

Now I must say, while most neutrals were willing Brazil to nick one back at the end out of sympathy, I was praying the German defence would hold. Why? Because ‘Brazil’ rhymes with ‘nil’ of course. Here’s the draft I had ready to send the minute the final whistle went:

There once was a team from Brazil

Renowned for its footballing skill

Till one July night

It all went to shite

And Germany won 7-0.

But the buggers had to go and pull one back!

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/worldcup/brazil-vs-germany-match-report-world-cup-2014-utter-humiliation-for-brazil-as-germany-hit-seven-9593317.html

A baker refusing to bake/
A pro-gay equality cake/
Could end up in court,/
The papers report./
Asked why, he replied: “For God’s sake!“///
http://www.belfasttelegraph.co.uk/news/local-national/northern-ireland/ashers-baking-company-faces-court-for-refusing-order-for-gay-marriage-cake-30412923.html

The government knew of suspicions/
That some old UK politicians/
Could’ve been paedophiles/
Sadly a weed of files/
Left some important omissions.///
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-28182373

There was an old bicycle tour/
That went where it hadn’t before/
The land of the tikes/
Saw hundreds of bikes/
All pedalling round up ont’ moor.///
http://www.theguardian.com/sport/2014/jul/05/tour-france-yorkshire-grand-depart

A Russian with money to burn/
Bought tennis with Tories, we learn/
The money she gave/
Gets access to Dave/
But watch for that backhand return.///
http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jul/03/tennis-cameron-johnson-160000-tory-fundraiser