twitmericks

Le people have now fait their choix,/
On who has that je ne sais quoi:/
C’est Italy first/
Le UK, now cursed/
By Brexit, alone on nul points.///

Dear farmer, stay clear of the fowl/

With whom you reside cheek by jowl,/

For petting a chicken/

May cause you to sicken/

And lose all control of your bowel.///

A fellow who knows about poo/
Advises a good thing to do/
Is swallow a muffin/
With bright coloured stuff in/
And wait till your faeces turns blue.///

https://t.co/A4x2hxJnzb

There is an old fogy named Poots,/
Whose view that our planet has roots/
Six thousand years old,/
Creationists hold,/
Though evidence plainly refutes.///

https://t.co/lV8uVLvcEz

A trick when fresh air becomes sparse is/
To use the hole meant for catharsis/
Instead to respire,/
For when things get dire,/
Some mammals breathe in through their arses.///

https://t.co/CaiNHlVnzT

NB: Catharsis = evacuation of the bowels.

Police in a Hong Kong vice crackdown/
Found one client easy to track down/
As he was their chief,/
Just seeking relief/
From masseuses rubbing his back down.///

https://t.co/DqLdYzpgJn

Ten years back, one Tuesday in May/
On National Limerick Day/
I tweeted a rhyme/
To help pass the time,/
But then I got carried away.///

Happy #NationalLimerickDay

An email from West Midlands Trains/
Told staff in reward for their pains/
A bonus was due,/
But those clicking through/
Were told: “It’s a scam – use your brains!”///

https://t.co/AgDLdXGe5j

A castle best known as the site/
Where Dracula’s vampires, by
night,/
Took fresh blood donations,/
Now gives vaccinations,/
And hopes that the tourists will bite.///

https://t.co/PA6xpcZE7G

A prince titled Michael of Kent/
Was shown in a sting to be bent;/
He offered a route in,/
For money, to Putin./
Perhaps he’s behind with the rent./

https://t.co/JC2AlEZALP