twitmericks

An email from West Midlands Trains/
Told staff in reward for their pains/
A bonus was due,/
But those clicking through/
Were told: “It’s a scam – use your brains!”///

https://t.co/AgDLdXGe5j

A castle best known as the site/
Where Dracula’s vampires, by
night,/
Took fresh blood donations,/
Now gives vaccinations,/
And hopes that the tourists will bite.///

https://t.co/PA6xpcZE7G

A prince titled Michael of Kent/
Was shown in a sting to be bent;/
He offered a route in,/
For money, to Putin./
Perhaps he’s behind with the rent./

https://t.co/JC2AlEZALP

As polling defeat became plainer/

For number one Labour campaigner/

And leader Sir Keir,/

‘The buck will stop here’/

Gave way to ‘sack Angela Rayner’.///

Dear tweeters, please take this advice,/
And try to say things that are nice:/
Before posting bitter/
And rude things on Twitter/
(Yes, even to assholes), think twice.///

https://t.co/2TIrh3Ces4

A town that successfully bid/
For hundreds of thousands of quid/
In Covid relief/
Quite beggared belief/
And splurged on a giant pink squid.///

https://t.co/Qyjr8xg6Nm

*The Japanese flying squid is in fact Todarodes pacificus. Loligo is a genus including the European squid. But it’s pretty close.

A travel firm taking a bunch/
Of pensioners seeking free lunch/
To tour scenic spots/
Was selling them plots/
For graves, when it came to the crunch.///

https://t.co/DJ5T7hiVdv

The God-fearing village of Cornholme/
Has driven the point of its scorn home/
Towards Hebden Bridge,/
A cesspit in which/
You’ll find a more suitable porn-home.///

https://t.co/xdSVlkGfrN

“This royal award one bestows/
For unbridled enterprise goes/
To (checks notes) Lovehoney,/
A firm that makes money/
As long as our stimulus grows.”/

https://t.co/H9cZMcvswI

To butter a car isn’t funny,/

Say cops – cleaning up will cost money;/

Among things they dread are/

This crazed superspreader/

Returning, but next time with honey.///