twitmericks

In Bedford and Burnley and places/
Considered as Covid-hit spaces/
Unlocking’s on ice/
In secret advice/
Dispensed on a ‘need to know basis’./

https://t.co/5XofaYQODM

An old man in Minsk had a plan/
To capture a dissident man/
By faking a threat,/
Diverting a jet,/
Then watching the shit hit the fan.///

https://t.co/8NdiauTJVl

A dealer in smack, crack and Es/
Whom coppers were able to seize/
Wound up in the nick/
For posting a pic -/
A shot of his favourite cheese.///

https://t.co/JG2ccWgyKj

Le people have now fait their choix,/
On who has that je ne sais quoi:/
C’est Italy first/
Le UK, now cursed/
By Brexit, alone on nul points.///

Dear farmer, stay clear of the fowl/

With whom you reside cheek by jowl,/

For petting a chicken/

May cause you to sicken/

And lose all control of your bowel.///

A fellow who knows about poo/
Advises a good thing to do/
Is swallow a muffin/
With bright coloured stuff in/
And wait till your faeces turns blue.///

https://t.co/A4x2hxJnzb

There is an old fogy named Poots,/
Whose view that our planet has roots/
Six thousand years old,/
Creationists hold,/
Though evidence plainly refutes.///

https://t.co/lV8uVLvcEz

A trick when fresh air becomes sparse is/
To use the hole meant for catharsis/
Instead to respire,/
For when things get dire,/
Some mammals breathe in through their arses.///

https://t.co/CaiNHlVnzT

NB: Catharsis = evacuation of the bowels.

Police in a Hong Kong vice crackdown/
Found one client easy to track down/
As he was their chief,/
Just seeking relief/
From masseuses rubbing his back down.///

https://t.co/DqLdYzpgJn

Ten years back, one Tuesday in May/
On National Limerick Day/
I tweeted a rhyme/
To help pass the time,/
But then I got carried away.///

Happy #NationalLimerickDay