twitmericks

A fund in the budget has thrown
A few towns in Britain a bone,
And gives special treats
To Tory-held seats
Including the Chancellor’s own.

https://t.co/yI8FeuY5JD

The strangest marine creature seen is/
A worm of priapulus genus/
Which squirms on the bed/
And thrusts up its head,/
A quasi-autonomous penis.///

https://t.co/y819ZpgzRR

A doc in a virtual dock/

Gave courtroom officials a shock./

“Please don’t commit perjury,/

If you’re not in surgery”/

The clerk asked, “Then why the blue smock?”///

Is monetisation a curse,
And will it make Twitterland worse?
While Twitter’s top scholars
Want dollars for follers,
To poets, the charge is perverse.

https://t.co/amHraK84V3

The detail some purchasers missed in
This popular Amazon listing
Is that it is not
A cute table pot
But one that is spat, shat or pissed in.

https://t.co/hGcOkbnoij

A dog was subjected to spin,/

And branded a traitor within /

Who randomly pissed/

And should be dismissed,/

Because he humped Cummings’s shin.///

A lass in Alaska, alas,
Was processing natural gas
Outside on the can
When out of the pan
A bear bit a piece of her ass.

https://t.co/1toSLyjbHo

Republican Senator Cruz
Swapped midwinter power cut blues
For sunny Cancun,
Then said: “What, too soon?
Why can’t they just change the damn fuse?”

https://t.co/NMtizWT6Cr

On getting the Covid jab call,
One chap said: “My belly’s not small,
But now I know why
My BMI’s high –
They think that I’m three inches tall!

https://t.co/oZz9ZMAWSW

When Dominic Raab went on Zoom,/

He carefully laid out his room/

To strike the right tone,/

But so far unknown/

Is just what he meant by that broom.///