The deal was so very last-minute
That as rival governments spin it,
Those vetting the text must
Now spend half their Xmas
Attempting to work out what's in it.#BrexitDeal#Brexit #BorisJohnson #UKTrade

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) December 25, 2020

All this week on Twitter I’ve been putting a topical twist on some seasonal songs. So here they all are in one place. Merry Christmas your arse!

*****

THE HOLLY AND THE IVY

The Holly and the Ivy/

Are in a Tier Three town,/

And like all the pubs and restaurants/

They are bloody well shut down.

***

GOD REST YE MERRY

God Rest ye Merry Gentlefolk,/

Let nothing you dismay,/

Remember not to see your folks/

This year on Christmas Day/

To save us all from Covid’s pow’r/

Please do not go astray,/

Oh find some home comforts you enjoy, you enjoy,/

Oh find some home comforts you enjoy.

***

DECK THE HALLS

Deck the halls with boughs of holly, Fa la la la la, la la la la,/

Johnson is a hopeless wally, Fa la la la la, la la la la./

Don we now our gay apparel, Fa la la la la, la la la la,/

Pubs are shut, please send a barrel, Fa la la la la, la la la la.

***

I SAW THREE SHIPS

I saw three ships come sailing in/

On Christmas Day, On Christmas Day/

I saw three ships come sailing in/

On Christmas Day in the morning/

O whither sailed those ships all three/

On Christmas Day, On Christmas Day/

O whither sailed those ships all three/

On Christmas Day in the morning?/

O they were bound for Brexitland/

On Christmas Day, on Christmas Day/

O they were bound for Brexitland/

On Christmas Day in the morning./

And what was in those ships all three/

On Christmas Day, On Christmas Day?/

And what was in those ships all three/

On Christmas Day in the morning?/

Some wilted greens and fruit so sad/

On Christmas Day, On Christmas Day/

Some wilted greens and fruit so sad/

On Christmas Day in the morning/

And all the Brits on earth shall ring/

On Christmas Day, On Christmas Day/

And all the Brits on earth shall ring/

For takeaway in the morning.

***

WE THREE KINGS

We three kings of orient are/

Bearing gifts we travel afar/

Westward leading, special pleading,/

Following Waze by car./

Oh, car through lockdown, car by night,/

Car with headlights burning bright/

Westward leading, special pleading,/

Guide us past the cops tonight.

***

IN THE BLEAK MID-BREXIT

In the bleak mid-Brexit, Frost and Johnson moaned/

France stood hard as iron, Brussels like a stone./

Pound was falling, pound was falling, low on low,/

In the bleak mid-Brexit, just days ago./

“What can we give them, poor as we are?/

If we still made autos, we could sell them cars./

What did we promise? An oven-ready dish./

Yet what can we offer? Give them some fish”.

*******

Season’s Greetings from

Mick Twister

“This plot, I’m determined to sus it”,
Navalny declared. “I’ll discuss it
With one of the spies” –
Who, to his surprise,
Revealed they had poisoned his gusset.

https://t.co/BYcVB1FVFp

"This plot, I'm determined to sus it",
Navalny declared. "I'll discuss it
With one of the spies" –
Who, to his surprise,
Revealed they had poisoned his gusset.#Navalny#Novichok#FSB#AlexeyNavalnyhttps://t.co/BYcVB1FVFp

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) December 22, 2020

Mutation gave Johnson a chance
To justify changing his stance
Towards Christmas Day
But, to his dismay,
Did not go unnoticed in France.

https://t.co/59RAugvZlb

Mutation gave Johnson a chance
To justify changing his stance
Towards Christmas Day
But, to his dismay,
Did not go unnoticed in France.#BorisJohnson#mutation#Freight#COVID20#Covid19UKhttps://t.co/59RAugvZlb

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) December 21, 2020

A bumbling incompetent toff
Whose answer this week was to scoff
At critics of easing,
Abandoned crowd-pleasing,
And finally called Christmas off.

A bumbling incompetent toff
Whose answer this week was to scoff
At critics of easing,
Abandoned crowd-pleasing,
And finally called Christmas off.#Christmas2020#tier4 #borisjohnson #Covid_19

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) December 19, 2020

A lizard in Melbourne, Australia,/
With feminine paraphernalia,/
Changed sex, which is rare,/
By growing a pair/
Of masculine-type genitalia.///

https://t.co/xk4wGEGEf4

A lizard in Melbourne, Australia,
With feminine paraphernalia,
Changed sex, which is rare,
By growing a pair
Of masculine-type genitalia. https://t.co/xk4wGEGEf4

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) December 18, 2020

A minister causing affront/
Accused the UN of a stunt/
By feeding our sprogs,/
For Jacob Rees-Mogg’s/
A callous, self-satisfied Conservative.///

https://t.co/eAXt3pF7ks

A minister causing affront
Accused the UN of a stunt
By feeding our sprogs,
For Jacob Rees-Mogg's
A callous, self-satisfied Conservative. #jacobreesmogg#UNICEF#ReesMogghttps://t.co/eAXt3pF7ks

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) December 18, 2020

“Our plans”, Johnson said, “are defensible,/
And not, as Keir says, reprehensible./
Though I said to bubble,/
Don’t get me in trouble -/
This Christmas, eat, drink and be sensible”.///

https://t.co/jBguTthtA9

A writer who shattered the mould
For how cold war stories were told
Is gone, so goodbye
Le Carré – the spy
Who wrote his way in from the cold.

https://t.co/uM2uElkl3n

When Johnson starts citing Australia
To cover his palpable falia
To get what he’s seeking
It means he is speaking
A right load of old genitalia.

https://t.co/R4cn7iKbOg

When Johnson starts citing Australia
To cover his palpable falia
To get what he's seeking
It means he is speaking
A right load of old genitalia.#NoDealBrexit#NoDeal#AustraliaDeal#Australianstyle#JohnsonHasFailedTheNation#BorisJohnsonhttps://t.co/R4cn7iKbOg

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) December 12, 2020