twitmericks

A publican seeking to block
The space by the bar to his flock
Says what works for sheep’ll
Help distancing people –
Those coming too close get a shock.

https://t.co/5R09YSVqKA

A Japanese theme park says hide
Your feelings when using a ride,
Please race round the place
With serious face,
And scream in your heart, deep inside.

https://t.co/u9bQ719kWL

Top penguin poo scientists find
The way the birds’ bums are designed
Means some penguin species
Can catapult faeces
Four feet – don’t approach from behind!

https://t.co/QsJX9woEhP

Our nursing staff, docs, stretcher-bearers,/

For too long, say Tory cheese-parers,/

Have had a free ride,/

So now, they decide,/

It’s time to declare: “Clamp for Carers”.

There was an old man from Brazil
Who said that he couldn’t get ill,
But tests show Jair ‘as
Indeed caught the virus,
Despite taking Donald Trump’s pill.

https://t.co/4kF3XPRAUQ

With millions of pints being sunk,
Police say – now who woulda thunk?
That all social distancing,
As you get pissed and sing,
Goes out the window when drunk.

https://t.co/ZPtVFyU0NG

The tightening FBI net
Makes Epstein’s accomplices fret,
As courts now arraign
His pander, Ghislaine,
Prince Andrew is learning to sweat.

https://t.co/QsUsKBpBjV

The UK prime minister’s dad
Flew off to his holiday pad
Although Greece has banned
All flights from this land.
Does anyone feel they’ve been had.

https://t.co/FgSlDLVimb

https://t.co/g9jjwKPEKr

B Johnson, the number one Brit,
Would like us to see he is fit,
Admiring his press-ups,
While due to his mess-ups
We sink ever deeper in shit.

https://t.co/pvOuQeXE5X