twitmericks

A seaman went off at half-cock/
And clamped his left ball in a lock;/
The padlock jammed shut,/
Constricting his nut/
And required pulling off by a doc./

https://t.co/MyNqVdDvah

A government losing its grip/

Stripped Julian Lewis’s whip/

In anger at failing/

To fix for Chris Grayling/

The ISC chairpersonship.///

Jair Bolsonaro could see a/

Great photo-op, feeding a rhea,/

Which chose to reject/

The offer and pecked/

The president – that’s the idea!///

A publican seeking to block
The space by the bar to his flock
Says what works for sheep’ll
Help distancing people –
Those coming too close get a shock.

https://t.co/5R09YSVqKA

A Japanese theme park says hide
Your feelings when using a ride,
Please race round the place
With serious face,
And scream in your heart, deep inside.

https://t.co/u9bQ719kWL

Top penguin poo scientists find
The way the birds’ bums are designed
Means some penguin species
Can catapult faeces
Four feet – don’t approach from behind!

https://t.co/QsJX9woEhP

Our nursing staff, docs, stretcher-bearers,/

For too long, say Tory cheese-parers,/

Have had a free ride,/

So now, they decide,/

It’s time to declare: “Clamp for Carers”.

There was an old man from Brazil
Who said that he couldn’t get ill,
But tests show Jair ‘as
Indeed caught the virus,
Despite taking Donald Trump’s pill.

https://t.co/4kF3XPRAUQ

With millions of pints being sunk,
Police say – now who woulda thunk?
That all social distancing,
As you get pissed and sing,
Goes out the window when drunk.

https://t.co/ZPtVFyU0NG

The tightening FBI net
Makes Epstein’s accomplices fret,
As courts now arraign
His pander, Ghislaine,
Prince Andrew is learning to sweat.

https://t.co/QsUsKBpBjV