twitmericks

A bishop sold oil and red string
For 91 pounds that would bring
The wearer protection
From COVID infection
(Buy that and you’ll buy anything!)

#COVID19Pandemic

https://t.co/c71HMp8WFS

A large herd of goats in North Wales/

Came down from their mountainous trails/

To romp and cavort/

Around a resort/

Unpeopled, as nature prevails.///

An Aussie put magnets in place/

To stop him from touching his face;/

Magnetic force kept ’em/

Stuck fast to his septum,/

And left him a hospital case.///

Some specialist retailing hubs/

Donated disposable scrubs/

For COVID-19,/

More usually seen/

In medical fetishist clubs.///

The government says it will do
Whatever it takes to subdue
This awful pandemic,
But drop the polemic
And work alongside the EU.

#COVID2019
#EU
#ventilators
#coronavirus
#COVID19

https://t.co/Ulyiryt5ER

There is an old fellow who’s been /
Confirmed to have COVID-19,/
But why was he tested,/
Health workers protested?/
It helps if your mother’s the queen.///

#COVID2019
#PrinceCharles

https://t.co/jVDU22Ifqr

The Downing St spinners deny/

That Dominic Cummings said/

‘Why Lock down our community?/

We’ll get herd immunity -/

So what if some pensioners die?’///

For World Poetry Day, here’s a departure from limericks. Some experiences on Twitter of weird online shopping substitutions brought to mind Lewis Carroll’s surreal poem A Strange Wild Song – my template here.

She thought she bought some tampons from/

The website Jeff controls,/

She looked again, and saw it was/

A bag of sausage rolls,/

A rather cavalier approach,/

She felt, to plugging holes.

***

She thought she bought a walnut loaf/

To share with all of us,/

She looked again and saw it was/

A Tesco’s octopus./

We ate it with our tea because/

She didn’t want a fuss.

https://twitter.com/fossa99/status/1240769689581740033

Republican Senator Burr
Was briefed as to what would occur,
And sold all his shares,
A state of affairs
That should see him banged up in stir.

https://t.co/9ISb2h3TFl

#CoronaCrisis
#SenatorBurr
#BurrKnew
#Burr
#GOPCorruptionOverCountry

A skull that has been disinterred
In Belgium, researchers averred,
Was not that of Yorick,
But some prehistoric
Yet well-preserved chicken-like bird.

https://t.co/JjWaLz6OQT