twitmericks

Researchers developed a loo
That health-tests each visitor’s poo,
And films to obtain us
A scan of the anus,
While motions are being gone through.

https://t.co/59ocByStNV

A top Scottish medic got strife
For flouting restrictions on life
She’d said to obey,
And going away
To home number two out in Fife.

https://t.co/zivsXqcDru

So farewell Bill Withers, who shone,/

Somebody for all to lean on,/

While hearing him play/

And sing Lovely Day;/

There ain’t no sunshine now he’s gone.///

A bishop sold oil and red string
For 91 pounds that would bring
The wearer protection
From COVID infection
(Buy that and you’ll buy anything!)

#COVID19Pandemic

https://t.co/c71HMp8WFS

A large herd of goats in North Wales/

Came down from their mountainous trails/

To romp and cavort/

Around a resort/

Unpeopled, as nature prevails.///

An Aussie put magnets in place/

To stop him from touching his face;/

Magnetic force kept ’em/

Stuck fast to his septum,/

And left him a hospital case.///

Some specialist retailing hubs/

Donated disposable scrubs/

For COVID-19,/

More usually seen/

In medical fetishist clubs.///

The government says it will do
Whatever it takes to subdue
This awful pandemic,
But drop the polemic
And work alongside the EU.

#COVID2019
#EU
#ventilators
#coronavirus
#COVID19

https://t.co/Ulyiryt5ER

There is an old fellow who’s been /
Confirmed to have COVID-19,/
But why was he tested,/
Health workers protested?/
It helps if your mother’s the queen.///

#COVID2019
#PrinceCharles

https://t.co/jVDU22Ifqr

The Downing St spinners deny/

That Dominic Cummings said/

‘Why Lock down our community?/

We’ll get herd immunity -/

So what if some pensioners die?’///