REVIEW OF 2015 PT 1 – THE HARD BIT

2015 saw bombs in Paris (among other cities), elections in the UK, Greece, Spain and Turkey (among other countries) and deals on climate change, Iranian nukes and US-Cuban relations.

Also in the limerick news it saw

Let’s get the heavy stuff out of the way first:

One from January, on the first Paris attack:

On France’s most terrible day/ The people have gathered to say/ To those opportunists Who murder cartoonists/ We’re all Charlie Hebdo today.

And another from December, using the hashtag spawned by a witness to a stabbing in a London tube station: 

Enlisting a god up above/ To justify hate and not love/ And stab passers-by/ Invites a reply/ That says: #YouAintNoMuslimBruv.

I collated all  my UK election limericks here – election 15 in limericks  – so here’s just one to remind you:

There once was a leader named Ed/Who failed to turn the map red/As Labour was beaten/From Ayr to Nuneaton/So losing its Balls and its head.

Then of course came the Corbinista Revolution:

There was an old socialist man/ Whom people wrote off when he ran/ Now Labour’s absorbin’/ The triumph of Corbyn/ As left-wingers cry #JezWeCan!

So Cameron was back as PM. His old ally Lord Ashcroft tried hard to tarnish his reputation for ever, disseminating an anecdote about his alleged participation in an initiation rite for an Oxford University society involving a dead pig’s head:

A leading Conservative Lord/ Has used a new book to record/ Some bestial claims/ Of pig-sticking games/ Involving the PM’s pork sword.

They also had elections in Turkey, where the courts were keen to stop President Erdogan being insulted online – prosecuting a journalist who posted pix of Erdogan looking like Gollum from The Lord of the Rings – or were they in fact of Smeagol? And would that be OK?

Old Erdogan’s ever so solemn/ He won’t stand for any 5th column/ Compare him to Smeagol/ For that may be legal/ But never compare him to Gollum.

In business news, Volkswagen was caught lying about its emissions on a scale not seen since Bill Clinton:

VW Chief Exec Martin/ Announced he will now be departin’/ Because of admissions/ Of dodgy emissions/ (Which clearly the man had no part in).

While in UK media news, The Sun newspaper acted the tease over whether or not it had genuinely turned the page on Page 3:  

Farewell to page 3 of The Sun/ From now on the paper will run/ Bikini-clad tits/ Which better befits/ The serious news on page one.

And Jeremy Clarkson’s latest hit on BBC – punching a producer – turned out to be his last (till he signed for Amazon):

The TV star Jeremy Clarkson/ Whatever new show he embarks on/ Will prosper, I bet/ So let’s not forget/ The fellow whose face he left marks on.

Police continued to pore over what have become known as The Paedo Files – Gary Glitter the latest 70s star to go be sent down:

There was an old star of glam rock/ Whose paedo past came as a shock/ We were all unaware/ As he sang ‘Touch me there’/ & pointed direct at his cock.

Normal political scandals also continued, of course:

An old orange bra-wearing Lord/ Had fun as he snorted and whored/ But public life’s cruel/ And so Baron Sewel/ Must publicly fall on his sword.

There was an old fellow named Sepp/ Whose steadily worsening rep/ Made rendering briefer/ His tenure at FIFA/ A quite unavoidable step.

There was some progress on gay equality, in the US where the Supreme Court backed same-sex marriage, and in the Republic of Ireland where the voters did:

The Irish have now had their say/ From Dublin to Donegal Bay/ A motion was carried/ That folks can get married/ No matter if straight or if gay.

The world’s attention was briefly captivated by a lion-hunting dentist, who decided giving shots to humans wasn’t enough, and plugged poor Cecil:

A dentist who hunted big game/ Insisting he isn’t to blame/ Said Cecil would not/ Have ended up shot/ If only they’d all known his name.

We lost, among others, Percy Sledge, BB King, Jonah Lomu… and of course Leonard Nimoy:

Farewell Mr Nimoy, or Spock/ You’d many light years on the clock/ But now it is here/ The final frontier/ You lived long and prospered, old cock.

That’s the serious(ish) stuff – my next post will cover some of the year’s stranger news.

Happy New Year!

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About twitmericks

There is an old fellow called Mick/Who's been penning the odd limerick/I admit he's no Keats/But he does them in tweets/So to follow, you just have to click. https://twitter.com/#!/twitmericks "The limerick master of the twitterati" (The Guardian).
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