twitmericks

As polling defeat became plainer/

For number one Labour campaigner/

And leader Sir Keir,/

‘The buck will stop here’/

Gave way to ‘sack Angela Rayner’.///

Dear tweeters, please take this advice,/
And try to say things that are nice:/
Before posting bitter/
And rude things on Twitter/
(Yes, even to assholes), think twice.///

https://t.co/2TIrh3Ces4

A town that successfully bid/
For hundreds of thousands of quid/
In Covid relief/
Quite beggared belief/
And splurged on a giant pink squid.///

https://t.co/Qyjr8xg6Nm

*The Japanese flying squid is in fact Todarodes pacificus. Loligo is a genus including the European squid. But it’s pretty close.

A travel firm taking a bunch/
Of pensioners seeking free lunch/
To tour scenic spots/
Was selling them plots/
For graves, when it came to the crunch.///

https://t.co/DJ5T7hiVdv

The God-fearing village of Cornholme/
Has driven the point of its scorn home/
Towards Hebden Bridge,/
A cesspit in which/
You’ll find a more suitable porn-home.///

https://t.co/xdSVlkGfrN

“This royal award one bestows/
For unbridled enterprise goes/
To (checks notes) Lovehoney,/
A firm that makes money/
As long as our stimulus grows.”/

https://t.co/H9cZMcvswI

To butter a car isn’t funny,/

Say cops – cleaning up will cost money;/

Among things they dread are/

This crazed superspreader/

Returning, but next time with honey.///

A DUP leader named Foster/

Has quit after pals double-croster,/

The Irish Sea border,/

Which led to disorder,/

Among recent issues that coster.///

The former PM, Tony Blair,/

Was feeling a little bit spare/

And lacking a role,/

But now his new goal/

Appears to be growing his hair.///

A Standard Life rebranding wheeze/
Is bothering vowel devotees,/
Who feel Abrdn*/
Can only have bn/
Dreamed up after dropping some Es.///

*”Pronounced ‘Aberdeen'”

https://t.co/NZlK255Qoe