A quack with ideas ever loonier
Says what makes folks iller and punier
Is sex with a demon
That harvests men’s semen
(Her fans include Donald Trump Junior).

https://t.co/9RnUPaU6JZ

One cannot help thinking perhaps/

The reason the government slaps/

Restrictions on Spain/

Pertains, in the main,/

To wanting to quarantine Shapps.///

A woman has made a new line
In flexible face mask design;
The key thing she did
Was put in a lid
From wet wipes, to let in the wine.

https://t.co/Nc1BoKtjZ6

Two sex clubs where staff took a stand/

Can open, though brothels are banned;/

The court merely asks/

That clients wear masks/

And service is strictly by hand.///

A sex shop quite near Caesar’s Palace
Was hit by a robber most gallus,
For what could be bolder
Than over your shoulder
To pilfer a three-foot long phallus.

https://t.co/iKqojpaYL7

The governing cabinet clique
Is meeting in person this week,
But though they have asked
Us all to go masked,
They plan to display bare-faced cheek.

https://t.co/20zXHUMVpD

A seaman went off at half-cock/
And clamped his left ball in a lock;/
The padlock jammed shut,/
Constricting his nut/
And required pulling off by a doc./

https://t.co/MyNqVdDvah

A government losing its grip/

Stripped Julian Lewis’s whip/

In anger at failing/

To fix for Chris Grayling/

The ISC chairpersonship.///

Jair Bolsonaro could see a/

Great photo-op, feeding a rhea,/

Which chose to reject/

The offer and pecked/

The president – that’s the idea!///