twitmericks

A man Johnson pays to advise

Is hoping we all empathise

That while we stayed in,

He went for a spin

To Teesdale – a sight for sore eyes.

///https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/1264985889127772160

The distance to keep is three fridges,
Which equals a thousand-odd midges
A tall bloke called Gus,
One sixth of a bus
Or 0.01 London Bridges.

#threefridges
#SocialDistancing

https://t.co/DXy1nkiin4

A quizzer lost out, very sadly,
On grounds of pronouncing so badly
The Spands singer’s name,
But who backed his claim?
The fellow himself, Tony Hadley.

#tonyhadley
#Singapore
#quiz

https://t.co/SaDC5tNVd6

A good way to lighten the gloom
When stuck in a tedious Zoom,
Or such workplace meeting,
Where everyone’s bleating,
Is add a real goat to the room.

#goats
#zoom

https://t.co/Yncydd2jx9

An old woman citing the Bible/

Sued gay people, holding them liable/

For global malaise;/

The judge backed the gays,/

And ruled her complaint was not viable.///

A leader who pushes a drug,/

In order to ward off a bug,/

Which he claims is great/

But doctors don’t rate,/

Is scamming, or else he’s a mug.///

A football club’s crowd simulation/

Resulted in mortification/

For using – cue lols -/

Inflatable dolls/

Designed for self-gratification.///

Blood plasma transfused from a llama
May help pierce this virus’s armour,
The cells of the beast
Providing increased
Resistance – move over Big Pharma!

#llamaland
#COVID__19

https://t.co/vlPH6yeS6N

A long spell in lockdown can suck
For frustrated singletons, stuck
Without very much
To do, say the Dutch,
So find a good buddy to fuck.

@guardiannews
@DanielBoffey

https://t.co/mVFLHFDmBe