twitmericks

A football club’s crowd simulation/

Resulted in mortification/

For using – cue lols -/

Inflatable dolls/

Designed for self-gratification.///

Blood plasma transfused from a llama
May help pierce this virus’s armour,
The cells of the beast
Providing increased
Resistance – move over Big Pharma!

#llamaland
#COVID__19

https://t.co/vlPH6yeS6N

A long spell in lockdown can suck
For frustrated singletons, stuck
Without very much
To do, say the Dutch,
So find a good buddy to fuck.

@guardiannews
@DanielBoffey

https://t.co/mVFLHFDmBe

When keepers in Calgary Zoo,/

Can no longer bring in bamboo/

By usual routes/

The panda eats shoots/

And leaves on a flight to Chengdu.///

The UK enjoyed a head start,/

So ministers showed on a chart/

Which countries were worst,/

But once things reversed,/

They had an abrupt change of heart.///

Can we go for long countryside drives?

Frequent some unsavoury dives?

Meet other folks’ husbands and wives?

Stay Alert. Control Virus. Save Lives.

***

Must we do as our bosses require us?

Will we get PPE if they hire us?

If it’s not safe to work, can they fire us?

Save Lives. Stay Alert. Control Virus.

***

Is this your best line to assert?

Was it dreamt up by Cummings, the squirt?

Perhaps it’s a plot to divert?

Save Lives. Control Virus. Stay Alert.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52605819

For Johnson, as shit hits the fan,
It’s cometh the hour, cometh man,
With bold PR drives:
“Stay alert and save lives –
And maybe stay home if you can”.

#Johnson
#alert
#stayingalert
#StayHome

https://t.co/AQ7CMl0puJ

Farewell to a rock ‘n’ roll cutie
Who sang of his love of good booty,
Leg over the keys,
He knew how to please –
Rock ‘n’ roll rest your soul,
Tutti Frutti.

#LittleRichard
#RIPLittleRichard

https://t.co/RXFeDkZAln

A rock star with silvery curls,
Composer of musical pearls,
Has shredded his bum,
Just payment, say some,
For giving us ‘Fat-bottomed Girls’.

https://t.co/3xcKOXiB3N

#BrianMay