twitmericks

When keepers in Calgary Zoo,/

Can no longer bring in bamboo/

By usual routes/

The panda eats shoots/

And leaves on a flight to Chengdu.///

The UK enjoyed a head start,/

So ministers showed on a chart/

Which countries were worst,/

But once things reversed,/

They had an abrupt change of heart.///

Can we go for long countryside drives?

Frequent some unsavoury dives?

Meet other folks’ husbands and wives?

Stay Alert. Control Virus. Save Lives.

***

Must we do as our bosses require us?

Will we get PPE if they hire us?

If it’s not safe to work, can they fire us?

Save Lives. Stay Alert. Control Virus.

***

Is this your best line to assert?

Was it dreamt up by Cummings, the squirt?

Perhaps it’s a plot to divert?

Save Lives. Control Virus. Stay Alert.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-52605819

For Johnson, as shit hits the fan,
It’s cometh the hour, cometh man,
With bold PR drives:
“Stay alert and save lives –
And maybe stay home if you can”.

#Johnson
#alert
#stayingalert
#StayHome

https://t.co/AQ7CMl0puJ

Farewell to a rock ‘n’ roll cutie
Who sang of his love of good booty,
Leg over the keys,
He knew how to please –
Rock ‘n’ roll rest your soul,
Tutti Frutti.

#LittleRichard
#RIPLittleRichard

https://t.co/RXFeDkZAln

A rock star with silvery curls,
Composer of musical pearls,
Has shredded his bum,
Just payment, say some,
For giving us ‘Fat-bottomed Girls’.

https://t.co/3xcKOXiB3N

#BrianMay

Abstain, virus researchers say,
As COVID-19 genomes may
Get into men’s jizz
(Sex anyway is
Quite hard from two metres away).

https://t.co/aNx7Ci491P

What Johnson calls British success/

Is tests, PPE in a mess,/

Economy dire,/

And death rate now higher/

Than anywhere bar the U.S.///

Police in East Anglia seek/

A man with a steampunkish streak/

Who’s wont to appear/

In plague doctor gear/

And mask in the shape of a beak.///