twitmericks

An anchor in Spain, while on air,
Broke news of his latest affair,
For there in the shot
A girl who was not
His partner was visible, bare.

#WFH
#Spain
#alfonsomerlos

https://t.co/DqG3TvlfZW

In search of new things to be doing/

Instead of just sitting and stewing,/

The people of Belper/

Have found a great helper/

Is joining in communal mooing.

The UK health minister toasts/

Success as he eagerly boasts/

His target’s been met/

On testing, and yet/

He got there by moving the posts.///

The firm that makes Durex is flagging
That sales of its product are sagging
As lockdown affects
Occurrence of sex,
Especially casual shagging.

#Durex
#coronavirus

https://t.co/EiswMenNdT

The top Swedish scientist dude
So captured the national mood
In tackling the virus
That some are desirous
Of having his likeness tattooed.

#COVID19
#Sweden
#AndersTegnell

https://t.co/rPM1GCywQm

The U.S. pandemic’s killed more
Than died in the Vietnam war,
With all under threat
As bone spurs won’t get
You safety, as happened before.

#CoronavirusUSA
#VietnamWar
#BoneSpurs45
#Trump

https://t.co/3yFEGRrvXl

The Belgians in lockdown don’t eat/

French fries that you buy on the street,/

So millions of taters/

Will end up in craters/

Unless they can make their own frites.///

A chap who’s an odd shade of peach
Says treatments may be within reach,
And if ultraviolet
Falls short when you trial it,
Advises injections of bleach.*

#Trump
#disinfectant

https://t.co/VfTOSQxEuS
*This limerick is satirical and should not be read as endorsing such insanity.

A woman was shot in the chest,/

But saved by her implanted breast:/

The bullet’s deflection/

Affording protection/

By silicone bulletproof vest.

///

The oil price has fallen so far,
When sold on the futures bazaar,
It’s worth less than nought,
Provoking the thought
Who’ll pay me to fill up my car?”

https://t.co/aat7cxDNZ2