Peeing Peer

Posted on June 8, 2015 by twitmericks

A peer done for speeding whose plea
Was needing a WC
Was fined, for the court
Thought being caught short,
Defence-wise, was taking the pee.
///http://www.standard.co.uk/news/crime/tory-peer-lord-trefgarne-hit-with-driving-ban-after-claiming-he-needed-the-toilet-10291305.html

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Sum Mistake?

Posted on June 6, 2015 by twitmericks

If Hannah should randomly eat/
A red or a yellow boiled sweet/
The value of n/
Is patently 10/
(It’s easy as long as you cheat.)///
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/blogs-trending-33029606

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Little Jack Warner Fighting His Corner

Posted on June 4, 2015 by twitmericks

Ex-FIFA Vice-President Warner/
Fights back like a rat in a corner/
And threatens to name/
The others to blame/
For he’s not the only suborner.///
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/jun/04/fifa-crisis-jack-warner-says-he-fears-for-life-and-will-reveal-avalanche-of-secrets

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Honourable Member

Posted on June 3, 2015 by twitmericks

A Danish man up for election/
Has courted the voters’ affection/
By taking a pic/
Exposing his dick/
And causing its general erection*.///
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/europe/john-erik-wagner-the-danish-man-using-his-penis-on-election-posters-in-copenhagen-to-convince-voters-to-make-him-prime-minister-10291574.html

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Sepp Away

Posted on June 3, 2015 by twitmericks

There was an old fellow named Sepp/
Whose steadily worsening rep/
Made rendering briefer/
His tenure at FIFA/
A quite unavoidable step.///
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/fifa-corruption-probe-sepp-blatter-is-being-investigated-by-fbi-claims-report-10293216.html

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A Noisy Noise Annoys

Posted on June 2, 2015 by twitmericks

A judge jailed a woman she said/
Was being too rowdy in bed./
The neighbours averred/
The noise could be heard/
So loud it might waken the dead.///
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-hereford-worcester-32961127

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Punctured Pride

Posted on June 2, 2015 by twitmericks

A Kent naked bike ride was marred/
When one pumped-up cyclist got barred.
He manfully tried
To cover his pride
But finally found it too hard.///
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/man-on-naked-bike-ride-gets-ejected-after-becoming-aroused-10288167.html

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Jack the Lad

Posted on June 1, 2015 by twitmericks

An Arsenal player named Jack/
Is getting a wee bit of flak/
For singing rude slurs/
On rival club Spurs/
Implying resemblance to kack.///
http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/may/31/arsenal-wilshere-anti-spurs-victory-parade

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Septic Sepp

Posted on May 28, 2015 by twitmericks

Said FIFA head honcho Sepp Blatter/

“Corruption’s a serious matter./

So should I resign/

Or pour some more wine?/

On balance I favour the latter”.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-32923104

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FIFA Officials Caught Offside

Posted on May 27, 2015 by twitmericks

The Zurich police made a raid/

Suspecting that millions paid/

To highups at FIFA/

May just be a fee for/

Their votes on where cups’ll be played.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-32895048

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