Tag Archives: christmas

Future imperfect

There was a Dickensian miser/ Who saw from a spirit adviser/ The rest of his days,/ So altered his ways,/ Becoming a philanthropiser./// I’m just posting up some limericks from the last few days, when I was away. This retelling … Continue reading

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Present imperfect

  A boy called police in, distraught/ At what Father Christmas had brought,/ For Santa had missed/ The things on his list -/ This criminal had to be caught!/// A boy called police in, distraughtAt what Father Christmas had brought,For Santa … Continue reading

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Ranter Claus

Dear Santa, all jolly and stout/ Got angry and started to shout;/ As children appeared,/ He ripped off his beard/ And hollered: “Just get the fuck out!”/// Dear Santa, all jolly and stoutGot angry and started to shout;As children appeared,He … Continue reading

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Christmas stuffing

A mum buying stuff for nativity/ Was thrown by the school’s negativity -/ To her it was news/ Inflatable ewes/ Are some people’s sexual proclivity./// A mum buying stuff for nativityWas thrown by the school's negativity –To her it was … Continue reading

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Susej Role

A baker got some people riled,/ Exhibiting what they reviled/ As insensitivity,/ For in Greggs’ nativity/ A sausage roll played the Christ Child./// https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/greggs-forced-to-apologise-after-replacing-baby-jesus-with-sausage-roll-in-advent-calendar-a3691566.html A baker got some people riled,Exhibiting what they reviledAs insensitivity,For in Greggs' nativityA sausage roll played … Continue reading

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Christmas Rhyme

For the last few years I have been writing a couple of light-hearted limericks on a biblical theme for each issue of 197 magazine*, published quarterly by St James’s Church Piccadilly. So as a Christmas treat (tweet?) I tweeted one from this … Continue reading

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Crappy Christmas

A Christmas fair crafted by Laurence/ Was shut amid public abhorrence/ The grotto was crappy/ The children unhappy/ And rain kept on falling in torrents./// http://www.independent.co.uk/news/people/laurence-llewelynbowens-christmas-attraction-closes-children-leave-in-tears-after-father-christmas-caught-smoking-and-drinking-9878594.html A Xmas fair crafted by Laurence Was shut amid public abhorrence The grotto was crappy The children … Continue reading

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Santa’s Grotty

The Milton Keynes Wonderland Fair/ Had customers all in despair/ The ice rink was plastic/ The Santas all drastic/ & the magical forest was bare./// http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2013/dec/15/milton-keynes-winter-wonderland-complaints https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/412527000964714496

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Store Wars

A shopper won out in LA/By using her own pepper spray/However extreme/Such aggression may seem/She’ll have her gifts come Christmas Day. http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-201_162-57331509/black-friday-pepper-spray-suspect-surrenders/

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