Tag Archives: weird

Pig Tail

A man who was tailed by a porker/ Called cops in to deal with the stalker;/ The hog said: “You rotters,/ Don’t handcuff my trotters -/ He’s just an unsociable walker!”/// A man who was tailed by a porkerCalled cops … Continue reading

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Dying for a Shag

Oh pity the poor antechinus,/ The cause of whose rapid decline is/ That sex for the guys/ Provokes their demise -/ Survival-wise, rather a minus./// Oh pity the poor antechinus,The cause of whose rapid decline isThat sex for the guysProvokes … Continue reading

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Public Enemy Number Two

A Jersey inspector of schools/ Arrested for flouting the rules/ Was baring his backside/ Each day by the trackside/ And slyly depositing stools./// A Jersey inspector of schoolsArrested for flouting the rulesWas baring his backsideEach day by the tracksideAnd slyly … Continue reading

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Underground Undies

A water firm’s named a wrongdoer/ And roped in the press to pursue ‘er,/ So Come on Eileen,/ It’s time to come clean/ Did you flush your pants down the sewer?/// A water firm's named a wrongdoerAnd roped in the … Continue reading

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You Must Be Toking!

Some cops lost a big stash of pot/ Then argued that mice ate the lot./ The judge said ‘So why/ Are said mice not high?/ You may be on drugs but I’m not!’/// Some cops lost a big stash of … Continue reading

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Now She’s in Purple, Now She’s a Turtle*

A turtle in Queensland,/ Australia Resembles a punk, only scalier,/ With bright green Mohican,/ In streams he or she can/ Draw breath using gilled genitalia./// *The only punk/turtle link that came to mind was this lyric from Christine, by Siouxsie … Continue reading

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Guano Guest’s Pepperoni Pardon

A hotel has lifted a ban/ Imposed on a Halifax man/ Whose sausage mishap/ Brought seagulls to crap,/ At which point the shit hit the fan./// A hotel has lifted a banImposed on a Halifax manWhose sausage mishapBrought seagulls to … Continue reading

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Organ Failure

A mason was found by the cops,/ Surrounded by miniature props,/ With organ unloosed,/ Outrageously juiced -/ He clearly pulled out all the stops./// This one was a challenge – I admit there are elements of the original story I … Continue reading

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Custody Creams

The theft of a double-tier tin/ With various biscuits therein/ Is deemed so improper/ It’s seen a Met copper/ Face charges of indiscipline./// CUSTODY CREAMSThe theft of a double-tier tinWith various biscuits thereinIs deemed so improperIt's seen a Met copperFace … Continue reading

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Flatulence and Turbulence

A plane was diverted one night/ When passengers started to fight;/ The turbulence started/ When one of them farted,/ So wind problems grounded the flight./// http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/fart-attack-plane-makes-emergency-landing-after-passenger-refuses-stop-breaking-wind-flight-1662146 A plane was diverted one nightWhen passengers started to fight;The turbulence startedWhen one of … Continue reading

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