twitmericks

Because of repairs I’m afraid

Your train is severely delayed.

The roads are quite icy,

So driving is dicy –

It might just be best if you stayed!

2014 IN LIMERICKS: UK POLITICS
It was the year when Scotland said Yesbutnobut and UKIP won its first MP – but had to tell party members to stop tweeting shit. Cameron took a hammering, Warsi got arsy and Ed lost economic cred, while Mike Hancock and Roger Bird showed how they got their names. Here are some highlights:

A Lib Dem is under suspension
For unwanted sexual attention
The upstanding member
Denies, let’s remember
The case’s main bone of contention.

A Liberal Democrat Lord
Is adding to party discord
And causing Nick worry
By not saying sorry
To those he’s alleged to have pawed.

Conservative Baroness Warsi
Is getting increasingly arsy
For now she’s resigned,
The Tories, we find,
Are white, male and too upper-classy.

Conservative minister Grayling
Says liberal justice is failing,
The ECHR
Is going too far,
And let’s bring back death by impaling.

The members for Braintree & Strood
Have left Tory conference screwed
The latter defecting
The former electing
To post selfie pix in the nude.

Ex-cabinet minister Mellor
Berated a cab-driving feller
In language most rude
From which we conclude
He’d sampled Her Majesty’s cellar.

For Tory MP Nigel Mills
Committee proceedings lacked thrills
He found Candy Crush
Brought more of a rush
Than parliamentary bills.

There once was a leader named Ed
Who launched an offensive and said:
I just do policy.
If that’s too Wallace-y
Vote for the Tories instead.

Hattie and Pattie and Jack
Are getting some newspaper flak
About their responses
To claims about nonces
And NCCL some years back.

A Ukipper blamed recent storms
On straying from sexual norms
The flooding will end
He seems to contend
If every last bugger conforms.

The leader of UKIP disparages
Breastfeeding women in Claridges
“Maybe just warn ‘er
To sit in a corner” –
Such the position of Farage is.

A UKIP official from Thanet
Was told by her party to can it
For saying some stuff
Jaw-dropping enough
That even Farage wants to ban it.

The vote in the Scots referendum
To keep UK ties or to end ‘em
Was won by the noes
From Unst to Melrose
So now they’re just gonna amend ‘em.

Prime Minister Cameron’s vow
Is causing a bit of a row
The sweet words he said
To get Scots in bed
Are not what he’s offering now.

Here’s seasonal limerick greetings
Good luck with familial meetings
I hope you have time
For reason and rhyme
& copious drinkings & eatings.///

Slightly delayed posting this as a result of aforementioned consumption.
Happy Christmas/New Year from Mick Twister – remember top present option still available: http://www.amazon.com/There-Was-Geezer-Called-Caesar/dp/1907554866/ref=pd_sxp_f_pt.

An artist who comes from Japan/

Fell foul of a genital ban./

For using in art/

Her own private part/

She faces two years in the can.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-30595378