twitmericks

To finish my limerick review of the year, here are a few of the weird and wacky stories that made me laugh at some point. If there’s a common thread running through them, I guess it’s sex. Links follow to remind you of the stories.

In Egypt the generals keep tabs/

On HIV using kebabs./

A chap from the army/

Says though it sounds barmy/

It’s cheaper than treatment with jabs.

///http://www.cairoscene.com/ViewArticle.aspx?AId=2526

***

Max Clifford, whose penis is short/

(Or so many sources report)/

Won’t long be at large -/

A sex assault charge/

The one thing that stood up in court.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-27192600

***

A man who was naked and keen/

Got stuck in a washing-machine/

Some best extra virgin/

Soon saw him emergin’/

Well-oiled but impeccably clean.

///http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/jan/06/rescuers-use-olive-oil-to-extract-naked-man-from-washing-machine

***

Police say a fellow from Philly/

Enjoys putting cheese on his willy./

The use of fromage/

For public frottage,/

They warn, is illegal and silly.

///http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/01/12/swiss-cheese-pervert_n_4585399.html?1389546716

***

A man with a slurry fixation/

For sexual gratification/

Is down on his luck,/

His passion for muck/

Resulting in incarceration.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cornwall-27643702

***

A feather-clad artist in France/

Was fined for performing a dance/

Intended to shock/

In which a live cock/

Was tied to the end of his lance.///

http://www.channel24.co.za/News/Local/SA-artist-found-guilty-of-exhibitionism-after-dancing-with-a-rooster-tied-to-his-penis-20140505

***

A man from the States to his shock/

Got stuck in a crack in a rock/

Wedged tight in a cranny/

Within a big fanny/

He must’ve felt rather a cock.

///http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/06/22/student-trapped-stone-vagina_n_5519718.html

***

A Florida woman professed/

To have a third boob on her chest/

But is the said mammary/

Merely flim-flammery?/

Time that she made a clean breast.

/// http://www.tampabay.com/news/bizarre/tampa-woman-says-she-has-three-breasts-despite-evidence-to-the-contrary/2199074

***

A zoo had two captive hyenas/

In theory from Mars and from Venus/

But efforts to breed/

Were not to succeed/

As each, it transpired, had a penis.

/// http://i100.independent.co.uk/article/the-awkward-reason-why-a-zoo-couldnt-breed-two-hyenas–eJUXp8JqBe