Prize Limerick Competition

Your turn again – to mark the publication last month of  There Once Was a Man with Six Wives, my humorous and irreverent limerick history of kings and queens, I’m holding a limerick competition with copies of the book to give away, kindly donated by the publisher Pavilion.

The three best limericks will win a signed copy of the book – never mind if you’ve already bought one, it’ll make a great gift! Unfortunately copies can only be posted to the UK; limerickers elsewhere are welcome to enter if you can give me a UK address to send it to.

All you have to do is to write a limerick beginning with the line:

“A king who was bored on the throne”

There’s no compulsion to refer to historical fact or real people, unlike me you have free rein over past, present, future and fantasy.  But you do need to stick to the limerick metre and AABBA rhyme scheme – so the second and last lines will rhyme with ‘throne’ and the third and fourth will rhyme with each other. A brief guide/reminder on how to write a limerick can be found here.

Entries can be submitted as a comment either under this competition post here at twitmericks.com or at facebook.com/twitmericks, of course via Twitter, notifying me @twitmericks – if you need more than 140 characters, use twitlonger, or attach a pic of your entry or something like that. Winners will be notified via whichever forum used, and I will post the winning entries here.

Closing date: 2359gmt Thursday March 23rd, 2017.

Judge: Mick Twister.

 

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Tara Chuck

Roll over Beethoven and tell/

Tchaikovsky the news it’s farewell/

To rock and roll’s Chuck/

Who walked like a duck/

And played just like ringing a bell.///

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/chuck-berry-rock-roll-innovator-dead-at-90

 

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Standard Deviation

George #Osborne insists he can be/
An editor and an MP/
And work for BlackRock/
Who’ll give him some stock/
On top of a six-figure fee.///

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/mar/17/george-osborne-named-new-evening-standard-editor-newspaper

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Near the Bone

A firefighting crew played a blinder/

By using a big angle grinder/

To cut off a ring/

Stuck on a man’s thing/

Tho vaseline might’ve been kinder.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-39285486

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Not so Popular Populist

Geert Wilders’s populist touch/

Did not get him far with the Dutch/

His hyped-up campaign/

Proceeded to gain,/

In voter support, not so much.///

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/15/pm-mark-rutte-set-to-beat-geert-wilders-in-dutch-election

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Hammond Egg on Face

A spreadsheet supremo named Phil/

Completely against his own will/

Has now had to spike/

His NIC hike/

So who’ll be left footing the bill?///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-39278968

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Trouble Mikke

A far-right misogynist Pole/

Said women earn less on the whole/

Because they are thicker/

And so Korwin-Mikke/

Was given a break from his role.///

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/mar/14/polish-mep-janusz-korwin-mikke-punished-saying-women-less-intelligent-men

 

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Illegal Stimulant

An app for remote stimulation/

Tracked customer rates of vibration/

But maker We-Vibe/

Found statutes proscribe/

Such dildo-amassed information.///

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/2017/mar/14/we-vibe-vibrator-tracking-users-sexual-habits

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Hogg Tied

 

The deputy boss of The Bank/
Was less than entirely frank/
In fact she was stinting/
With info on Quintin/
So Charlotte must now walk the plank.///

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2017/mar/14/mps-question-charlotte-hoggs-suitability-for-bank-of-england-role

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Disunited Kingdom

 

First minister Nicola Sturgeon/

Sees Scotland and England divergin’/

She argues as Brexit/

Effectively wrecks it/

The UK’s in need of demergin’.///

First minister Nicola Sturgeon Sees Scotland and England divergin’ She argues as Brexit Effectively wrecks it The UK’s in need of demergin’.

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