Tag Archives: tories

Onan the Barbarian

Old Johnson loves pulling a flanker,/ Attacking his foes with some rancour,/ But since to withdraw/ Was Onan’s true flaw*,/ It’s unclear who here is the wanker./// https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/boris-johnson-onanism-jeremy-corbyn-brexit-speech-election-tories_uk_5dcaf96de4b0eb9121299377?utm_hp_ref=uk-politics *https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan the tweet

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Launching into Trouble

Welsh minister Cairns has to quit,/ Rees-Mogg is an upper-class twit,/ Whom Bridgen’s admires,/ A fake ad backfires,/ And Johnson spouts microwaved shit./// On Twitter

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Uncommonly Senseless

Old Jacob Rees-Mogg gave offence/ At victims of Grenfell’s expense/ With comments so crass/ It’s plain that the ass/ Entirely lacks common sense!/// https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-london-50302573 link to tweet version

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Make Poor People History

A Tory who’s standing in Gower/ Said ‘Benefits Street? What a shower -/ They should be put down!’,/ Which gained her renown,/ But won’t make HQ disallow ‘er./// https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-50283520 twitter link

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It’s The Way You Vellum

When Queens read proposals on vellum/ They say what prime ministers tellum,/ But whether on goatskin/ Or Boris’s scroteskin,/ His bills are so rank you can smellum./// When Queens read proposals on vellumThey say what prime ministers tellum,But whether on … Continue reading

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Being extorted*

“When stuff goes cross-border post-Brexit,/ Ten miles away somebody chexit./ With this cunning plan”,/ Said Boris, “I can/ Pretend it’s the EU wot rexit!”/// *The title is an anagram of ‘Get Brexit Done’ https://www.cnbc.com/2019/10/02/boris-johnson-promises-no-brexit-checks-at-irish-border.html "When stuff goes cross-border post-Brexit,Ten miles … Continue reading

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Conference hit

Sir Geoffrey, a Tory MP,/ Enlivened their grand jamboree/ And got himself barred/ For clocking a guard,/ To show law and order is key./// Sir Geoffrey, a Tory MP,Enlivened their grand jamboreeAnd got himself barredFor clocking a guard,To show law … Continue reading

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The Audacity of Grope

A man who compulsively lies/ Robustly and firmly denies/ Reports that reveal/ #How, during a meal,/ He doubly groped two women’s thighs./// A man who compulsively lies Robustly and firmly denies Reports that revealHow, during a meal,He doubly groped two … Continue reading

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Johnson beaten

Presiding in court, Lady Hale/ Made clear Johnson’s mark was a fail,/ And ruling as one/ Against what he’d done,/ The judges were not pro-rogue male. Tweet+story

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Rewarding failure

Poor Cameron can’t understand/ Why things didn’t go as he planned,/ But though it’s depressing,/ There is just one blessing – / The book’s earned him 800 grand!/// Poor Cameron can't understandWhy things didn't go as he planned,But though it's … Continue reading

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