Hollande the Grande

Posted on February 2, 2013 by twitmericks

There was an old fellow in France/

Who took a belligerent stance/

He sent in the troops/

To beat rebel groups/

Then flew in to cheer their advance.

///http://www.euronews.com/2013/02/02/president-hollande-arrives-in-mali-to-back-french-troops/

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Groundhog Day All Over Again

Posted on February 2, 2013 by twitmericks

There once was a groundhog named Phil/

With meteorological skill/

He’s in Punxsutawney/

And though it is corny/

He didn’t predict a long chill.*

///http://uk.reuters.com/article/2013/02/02/us-usa-pennsylvania-groundhog-idUKBRE91106X20130202

*OK, so it’s a bit similar to last year’s – but it is Groundhog Day!

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An Unfair Cop

Posted on February 1, 2013 by twitmericks

There once was a top woman copper/

Who sadly has now come a cropper/

They sent her to jail/

Over info for sale/

Such conduct considered improper.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-21292338

///https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/297384371453820928

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Moby Sick

Posted on January 31, 2013 by twitmericks

There was an old man with a stick/

Who found a big dollop of sick/

He’ll make money from it/

Because it’s whale vomit/

Egested by old Moby Dick.

///http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/4771055/Man-discovers-whale-vomit-worth-100000-on-Morecambe-beach.html

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Nuclear Options

Posted on January 31, 2013 by twitmericks

The Cumbrians haven’t embraced/

The storage of nuclear waste/

The government now/

Has no idea how/

To find somewhere it can be placed.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-cumbria-21253673

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First Bloke’s Bum Joke

Posted on January 30, 2013 by twitmericks

Tim Mathieson, Aussie First Bloke/

Got fingered for making a joke/

Concerning a proctal/

And which kinda doctor’ll/

Give the best digital poke.

///http://t.co/kGjraWfz

(Apologies for stretching the rhyme at lines 3-4, I just couldn’t resist working proctal in somehow).

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Major Tom’s a Monkey

Posted on January 28, 2013 by twitmericks

There once was a simian Persian/

Got sent on a rocket excursion/

The poor monkey’s face/

Suggested that space/

Produced a degree of aversion.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-21230691

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Pass the Duce

Posted on January 28, 2013 by twitmericks

There was an old chap, Berlusconi/

Who never stopped talking baloney/

Old Musso, he said/

Was simply misled/

By Hitler, his powerful crony.

///http://news.sky.com/story/1043662/berlusconi-defends-dictator-mussolini

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For Auld Rabbie

Posted on January 25, 2013 by twitmericks

Thaur was an auld fellow named Rabbie/

His poetry was unco grabby/

His verses sae sweet/

Wi’ rhyming sae neat/

An scansion ye cannae call flabby.

(This Burns night limerick was prompted by the excellent stream of Burns-inspired twitter poetry coming from @robertflorence’s twitter feed, using the hashtag #RabRabbie. Apologies in advance for my feeble command of Scottish).

///http://www.guardian.co.uk/books/2013/jan/25/my-hero-robert-burns-lochhead

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Crocs Away!

Posted on January 25, 2013 by twitmericks

There were some South African crocs/

About 15,000 approx/

Who escaped from a farm/

Causing humans alarm/

Though for them, opportunity knocks.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-africa-21178793

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