Category Archives: Uncategorized

No Way Jose

Posted on June 7, 2016 by twitmericks

There was an old man named Jose/ Who said to a doctor one day/ Who ran on the pitch/ “Daughter of a Bitch!”/ For which Chelsea now have to pay./// http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-36472713 There was an old man named JoseWho said to … Continue reading →

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A Big Problem

Posted on June 6, 2016 by twitmericks

A man with a bionic dick/ Said though it’s in excellent nick,/ And eight inches long,/ I find my new dong/ Is unnecessarily thick./// http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3625246/Man-44-eight-inch-bionic-penis-fitted-undergoes-op-make-SMALLER-finding-sex-painful.html A man with a bionic dickSaid though it's in excellent nick,And eight inches long,I find … Continue reading →

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Late Greatest

Posted on June 4, 2016 by twitmericks

So farewell Muhammad Ali/ The greatest we ever did see/ In numerous fights/ Not least civil rights/ The butterfly stung like a bee.///   So farewell Muhammad AliThe greatest we ever did seeIn numerous fightsNot least civil rightsThe butterfly stung … Continue reading →

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Outstanding Debts

Posted on June 1, 2016 by twitmericks

UK archaeologists found/ Old tablets of wood underground/ With ancient things written/ By Romans in Britain,/ Like “You owe me 10,000 pound!”/// http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/archaeology/ancient-roman-texts-first-londoners-uk-most-important-ever-archaeological-discoveries-a7059271.html UK archaeologists foundOld tablets of wood undergroundWith ancient things writtenBy Romans in Britain,Like "You owe me 10,000 … Continue reading →

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Ocker Knocker-socker

Posted on May 31, 2016 by twitmericks

A violent kangaroo hit/ A poor woman right in the tit/ But being well curved/ Her chest was preserved/ By silicon implants, which split./// http://www.smh.com.au/national/womans-breast-implants-ruptured-in-kangaroo-attack-in-south-australia-20160531-gp8gx3.html A violent #kangaroo hitA poor woman right in the titBut being well curvedHer chest was preservedBy … Continue reading →

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Candidate Exposed

Posted on May 30, 2016 by twitmericks

A candidate stripped for a dare/ And stood on the podium bare./ Credentials inspected/ He wasn’t elected/ The new libertarian chair./// http://edition.cnn.com/videos/tv/2016/05/30/libertarian-convention-strip-tease-daily-hit-newday.cnn A candidate stripped for a dareAnd stood on the podium bare.Credentials inspectedHe wasn't electedThe new libertarian chair. — … Continue reading →

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No Choking Matter

Posted on May 28, 2016 by twitmericks

Applying the Heimlich manoeuvre,/ The handy procedure’s prime mover/ Said “Though I am old/ I still know the hold,/ But if it fails, go get a hoover”./// http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/05/heimlich-manoeuvre-160527183400086.html Applying the Heimlich manoeuvre,The handy procedure's prime moverSaid tho I am oldI … Continue reading →

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Special Pleading

Posted on May 27, 2016 by twitmericks

A footballing coach named Jose/ Took on a new challenge today/ His big Man U mission -/ Improve the position,/ However you make the team play./// http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/36363365   A footballing coach named JoseTook on a new challenge todayHis big Man … Continue reading →

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Penis Extension

Posted on May 27, 2016 by twitmericks

There was a young man from Bangkok Who had an unfortunate shock For as the poor chap Was having a crap A python latched onto his cock./// https://www.buzzfeed.com/leticiamiranda/snake-bite?utm_term=.gaLVM8R5#.seYQBKk4 There was a young man from BangkokWho had an unfortunate shockFor as … Continue reading →

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Sheep on Grass

Posted on May 26, 2016 by twitmericks

In Swansea a woolly stampede/ Was blamed on unsuitable feed/ The sheep that were crazed/ Reportedly grazed/ On fly-tipped remains of some weed./// http://www.southwales-eveningpost.co.uk/Concerns-psychotic-sheep-rampaging-Swansea/story-29314245-detail/story.html In Swansea a woolly stampede Was blamed on unsuitable feedThe sheep that were crazedReportedly grazedOn fly-tipped … Continue reading →

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