Blest are Leicester

An unfancied underdog team/

Outfoxed all the cream of the cream/

The best of the best’re/

Officially Leicester/

Who dreamed an implausible dream.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/35988673

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Pop Goes The Weasel

A mustelid entered inside/

A tunnel where protons collide./

The weasel went pop/

And made the thing stop;/

They found the poor animal fried.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-36173247

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Zac Attack

There was an old Tory named Zac/

Who launched a dog whistle attack/

To make voters panic/

At all things Islamic/

And pick a safe white man to back.

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/politics/zac-goldsmith-london-mayor-campaign-sadiq-khan-baroness-warsi-a7009126.html

 

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Beyond Our Ken

With Naz who offended suspended/
The party intended things ended/
But Labour top brass/
Who hoped it’d pass/
Had not apprehended what Ken did.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-36160135

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Billionaire Shoplifters

A couple of bosses,/

In charge of gargantuan losses,/

Left pensioners skint/

While making a mint,/

And not, it would seem, giving tosses.///

http://www.theguardian.com/business/2016/apr/25/bhs-owner-retail-acquisitions-25m-administration

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Bard Language

There was an old fellow named Will/
Who wrote with rare humour and skill/
His sonnets and plays/
Left many a phrase/
In popular idiom still.///

This one was adapted from a chapter in the book: https://www.amazon.co.uk/There-Was-Geezer-Called-Caesar/dp/1907554866?ie=UTF8&*Version*=1&*entries*=0

The chapter also includes a brief biog written in his own coinages, which I also copy here:

 

I AM A WEAKISH SPELLER

 

There was an old fellow named Will

Who wrote with rare humour and skill.

In sonnets and plays

He coined many a phrase,

But the sad fact is Will couldn’t spill.

 

The Queen’s English is filled with household words coined by, or popularised by, William Shakespeare. His works were responsible for a sea change in our language and literature that was to reach all corners of the world.

He wrote tragedies to make your hair stand on end and comedies to have you in stitches, and his sonnets were such stuff as dreams are made on. He knew that brevity is the soul of wit, though this was at times honoured more in the breach than the observance – the Bard could lay it on with a trowel.

Shakespeare coined all these phrases, and about 1,700 words. But his spelling would be given short shrift today. And the title of this chapter is an anagram of his name. But what’s in a name?

 

 

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Pouring Reign

There is an old woman named Liz/
Who works in the royalty biz/
At 90 today/
I reckon she may/
Consume a few glasses of fizz.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-36093306

 

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Knob Robbers

The Arcachon mayor has a trick
For foiling some vandals who nick
A statue’s male part –
A state of the art
Prosthetic detachable dick.

http://www.thelocal.fr/20160419/french-town-gives-castrated-statue-prosthetic-penis

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Mighty Victoria

Farewell to a comic so good/

She wrote as we all wish we could/

𝘉𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘺, 𝘣𝘦 𝘧𝘭𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘺/

𝘔𝘦𝘭𝘵 𝘮𝘺 𝘧𝘭𝘢𝘮𝘦𝘱𝘳𝘰𝘰𝘧 𝘯𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵𝘪𝘦/

We’ll miss you . 

///http://metro.co.uk/2016/04/20/victoria-wood-dies-is-the-ballad-of-barry-and-freda-the-comedians-career-highlight-5829944/

A heartfelt obit this, for a hilarious perfomer and truly great comic lyricist. The condensed two lines there are from the wonderful “Let’s Do it” – the actual lines are

Be mighty.
Be flighty.
Come and melt the buttons on me flameproof nightie.
Let’s do it!
Let’s do it tonight!

The song is full of such gems (as is It Would Never Have Worked – not to mention all her sketch and comic drama output).

Here’s a link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kE2gdiZRuHg

And here are the full lyrics: http://lyrics.wikia.com/wiki/Victoria_Wood:Let’s_Do_It

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Stripping or Whipping?

A John who’s a Brit politician/
Said after a fact-finding mission/
I do find lap-dancing/
Extremely entrancing/
But me, I’m more into submission.///

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/apr/19/john-whittingdale-mps-free-dinner-lap-dancing-club-licensing-inquiry

 

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