twitmericks

A chap’s in a Kyrgyzstan nick/

Because he was taking the mick./

To Michael McFeat/

The sausage they eat/

Was just like a stallion’s dick.///

Part 1 of my review of the year dealt with the more mainstream news items – here I will share with you some of the weird and wonderful snippets I’ve covered in limerick form. I think in all case the limeick pretty much tells the story – if you want more background, there’s a link with my original post, or just google it!

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A German court moved to dismiss/ Restrictions on how fellows piss/ We needn’t sitzpinkle/ But may stand and sprinkle/ Although it’s a bit hit or miss. 

A man who had dolphin relations/ Insists he was groomed by cetaceans/ Especially Dolly/ Who led him to folly/ With rubbing & other flirtations.

A woman from south California/ Desiring her intercourse pornier/ Is suing E.L./ Whose ‘Fifty Shades’ Gel/ Did not make her feel any hornier. 

A chap was arrested for shooting/ A PC that wasn’t rebooting/ Though few go ballistic/ It’s characteristic/ Of how we all feel when computing.

2015 saw bombs in Paris (among other cities), elections in the UK, Greece, Spain and Turkey (among other countries) and deals on climate change, Iranian nukes and US-Cuban relations.

Also in the limerick news it saw

Let’s get the heavy stuff out of the way first:

One from January, on the first Paris attack:

On France’s most terrible day/ The people have gathered to say/ To those opportunists Who murder cartoonists/ We’re all Charlie Hebdo today.

And another from December, using the hashtag spawned by a witness to a stabbing in a London tube station: 

I collated all  my UK election limericks here – election 15 in limericks  – so here’s just one to remind you:

There once was a leader named Ed/Who failed to turn the map red/As Labour was beaten/From Ayr to Nuneaton/So losing its Balls and its head.

Then of course came the Corbinista Revolution:

So Cameron was back as PM. His old ally Lord Ashcroft tried hard to tarnish his reputation for ever, disseminating an anecdote about his alleged participation in an initiation rite for an Oxford University society involving a dead pig’s head:

A leading Conservative Lord/ Has used a new book to record/ Some bestial claims/ Of pig-sticking games/ Involving the PM’s pork sword.

They also had elections in Turkey, where the courts were keen to stop President Erdogan being insulted online – prosecuting a journalist who posted pix of Erdogan looking like Gollum from The Lord of the Rings – or were they in fact of Smeagol? And would that be OK?

In business news, Volkswagen was caught lying about its emissions on a scale not seen since Bill Clinton:

While in UK media news, The Sun newspaper acted the tease over whether or not it had genuinely turned the page on Page 3:  

And Jeremy Clarkson’s latest hit on BBC – punching a producer – turned out to be his last (till he signed for Amazon):