The Battle of the Number Plate

Posted on October 4, 2014 by twitmericks

The cast and the crew of Top Gear/

Have fled Argentina in fear/

A Falklands-themed plate/

Made locals irate/

So Clarkson was out on his ear.///

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/10/03/jeremy-clarkson-top-gear-argentina-number-plate_n_5926026.html

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Courting Controversy

Posted on October 3, 2014 by twitmericks

Conservative minister Grayling/

Says liberal justice is failing,/

The ECHR/

Is going too far,/

And let’s bring back death by impaling.///

http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/oct/03/tories-plan-uk-withdrawal-european-convention-on-human-rights

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Stiffin’ Griffin

Posted on October 2, 2014 by twitmericks

A BNP former big hitter/

Was kicked out for being a splitter/

They gave him the flick/

So now poor old Nick/

Is not only racist, he’s bitter.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-29453341

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Checking the Pigeonholes

Posted on October 1, 2014 by twitmericks
In China, a land in the East,/
Some 10,000 doves were policed./
Security checked ’em,/
Inspecting each rectum,/
Before they were safely released.///
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Nursing a Grievance

Posted on September 30, 2014 by twitmericks

The BBC Trust has censured Horrible Histories for this sketch https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SBF3X2vkK7w on the relationship between Florence Nightingale and Mary Seacole. So here’s my limerick on the subject from There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar.

There once was a nurse from Jamaica/

A regular mover and shaker/

She went to a camp/

Where a lady with lamp/

Refused for some reason to take ‘er.///

Seacole was turned down by the War Office in London, so went to Crimea, where she was turned away by Nightingale, who disapproved of her methods. More n the book: http://www.amazon.co.uk/There-Was-Geezer-Called-Caesar/dp/1907554866

 

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Dishonourable Members

Posted on September 28, 2014 by twitmericks

The members for Braintree & Strood/
Have left Tory conference screwed/The latter defecting/The former electing/To post selfie pix in the nude.

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Cheddar Gorger

Posted on September 27, 2014 by twitmericks

There is a dictator named Kim/

Who isn’t what you might call slim/

Addiction to cheese/

A lifestyle disease/

That makes him feel terribly grim.///

http://www.itv.com/news/2014-09-27/kim-jong-uns-discomfort-down-to-cheese-addiction/

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Donkey Bonky

Posted on September 26, 2014 by twitmericks

Two donkeys who shagged in a zoo/

Were parted, to spare kids the view/

They’re highly delighted/

To be re-united/

And doing what animals do.///

http://www.theguardian.com/world/2014/sep/25/donkey-couple-sex-napoleon-antosia-poland

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Three Times a Lady?

Posted on September 24, 2014 by twitmericks

A Florida woman professed/

To have a third boob on her chest/

But is the said mammary/

Merely flim-flammery?/

Time that she made a clean breast.///

http://www.tampabay.com/news/bizarre/tampa-woman-says-she-has-three-breasts-despite-evidence-to-the-contrary/2199074

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Feline Contented

Posted on September 23, 2014 by twitmericks
The PM has been overheard/
Recounting how when he gave word/
That Scotland would stay/
Within the UK/
Her majesty quietly purred.///
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