Cops and Knobbers

Posted on August 13, 2013 by twitmericks
A randy PC from Caerphilly/
Had sex on the job, which was silly./
He said I am armed/
But don’t be alarmed/
The thing in my pants is my willy.
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Ashes to Hashes

Posted on August 13, 2013 by twitmericks

There is an affair named the Ashes,/

A regular series of clashes/

Where England again/

Between spells of rain/

Have settled Australians’ hashes.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/cricket/23677243

https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/367217486934327297

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Paxman’s Extra Hairtime

Posted on August 12, 2013 by twitmericks

There was an old man with a beard/

Who said it is just as a feared/

The punters on Twitter/

Are having a titter/

And reckon I look a bit weird.

///http://inagist.com/search?q=Beard%20Liberation%20Front%20Press%20Release%2012th

https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/367043434034368516

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He’s Not the Messiah, He’s a Very Naughty Boy!

Posted on August 12, 2013 by twitmericks
There once was a boy called Messiah/
Whose given name came under fire/
His poor mum and dad/
Must rename the lad/
As God isn’t really his sire.
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Cheap Labour?

Posted on August 12, 2013 by twitmericks
Companies Tesco and Next/
Profess themselves rather perplexed./
Accused by Chris Bryant/
Of being reliant/
On overseas workers, they’re vexed.///
 
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Jens Shows Sense

Posted on August 11, 2013 by twitmericks
Jens Stoltenberg, Norway’s PM
Displayed great composure and phlegm
By driving a cab
So voters could gab –
PR-wise, an absolute gem. 
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Panda Pandered

Posted on August 9, 2013 by twitmericks
There once was an Edinburgh panda
Whose partner did not understanda
She’s going to whelp
With medical help,
Unable to raise the chap’s danda.
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Monty Caught Out

Posted on August 8, 2013 by twitmericks
A cricketer went for a slash
On bouncers while out on the lash
To teach Monty Panesar
What proper manners are
Cops fined him £60 cash.
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Bloom’s Bloomer

Posted on August 7, 2013 by twitmericks
The mythical land Bongo Bongo/
Was used by an old UKIP drongo/
Discoursing on aid/
But now Bloom’s dismayed/
As UKIP has said it was wrongo.
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Dr Who the F-?

Posted on August 6, 2013 by twitmericks
There once was a Dr named Who 
Who tended to turn the air blue.
When Mr Capaldi
Starts giving ’em laldie*
Those daleks won’t know what to do.
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