Jam Tomorrow

Posted on October 4, 2016 by twitmericks

The UK department of trade/

Says Britain must not be afraid/

No need to get nervous/

Our jam will preserve us/

You can’t beat Seville marmalade.///

Stay calm, Brexit-worriers: Liam Fox has a plan to sell ‘innovative British jams and marmalade’

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Tax-Free Trump

Posted on October 3, 2016 by twitmericks

From Donald Trump’s leaked tax returns/

The US electorate learns/

He got to evade/

The tax others paid/

Which may not look smart at the urns.///

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Pub Rub-a-Dub

Posted on October 1, 2016 by twitmericks

A coke-addled fellow in Lancs/

Engaging in marathon wanks/

Was held by police/

For breach of the peace/

As pubs aren’t the place for such pranks.///

http://m.lancashiretelegraph.co.uk/news/13778453.Blackburn_man_caught_pleasuring_himself_for_40_minutes_in_pub_beer_garden_after_snorting_five_lines_of_cocaine/?ref=mr&lp=2

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Rosetta Hits Stone

Posted on September 30, 2016 by twitmericks

A probe that was tracking a comet/
Was sent kamikaze to bomb it/
Rosetta crash-landed/
Eternally stranded/
But first dispatched images from it.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-37520420

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No Pandering to Pandas

Posted on September 30, 2016 by twitmericks

A panda who lived on a glove/

Got grief from the powers above/

Producers feared Sooty/

Might get a bit smutty/

If he and Soo found puppet love.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-37505309

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Once Bitten, Twice Bitten

Posted on September 28, 2016 by twitmericks

A very unfortunate man/
Got spider-bites twice on the can/
Both times on his cock/
Which though quite a shock/
Was clearly no flash in the pan.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-australia-37481251

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Scam, Cam, Thank You Sam

Posted on September 27, 2016 by twitmericks

The ex-England gaffer Big Sam/
Fell foul of a secret spycam/
That filmed Allardyce /
Dispensing advice/
On a third-party ownership scam.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/37483344

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Keep Your Hair on, Don

Posted on September 27, 2016 by twitmericks

The candidates Clinton and Trump/

Faced off one-to-one on the stump/

Debating her emails/

And him dissing females,/

Which put Donald into a grump.///

http://www.vox.com/2016/9/27/13067822/debate-clinton-trump-sexism

 

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Bum Rap

Posted on September 26, 2016 by twitmericks

A new law in Melbourne, Australia/

Bans mooning and bare genitalia/

Forbidding the streak/

And flash of bum-cheek/

Or similar paraphernalia.///

http://www.news.com.au/national/victoria/courts-law/mooning-ban-you-could-have-people-doing-it-everyday-with-no-sanction-victoria-attorney-general-says/news-story/51f364aa16962e9225e1e1b93bc0fa49

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Owen, Goin’, Gone

Posted on September 24, 2016 by twitmericks

The leadership challenger Owen/

Did not make a good enough showin’,/

Found not as absorbin’/

As Jeremy Corbyn/

Who saw his majority growin’.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-37461219

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