Putin the Butin

Posted on June 14, 2016 by twitmericks

A spokesman for Vladimir Putin/

Denies that the president’s rutin/

For hooligan Russians,/

Who face repercussions/

For any more putin the butin.///

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/jun/14/french-police-deporting-russia-fans-euro-2016-violence-alexander-shprygin

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Korma Chameleon

Posted on June 9, 2016 by twitmericks

A seagull got into a flurry/

And fell in a bin full of curry/

The orange-hued bird/

May now be deterred/

From going back there in a hurry.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-36490552

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

No Way Jose

Posted on June 7, 2016 by twitmericks

There was an old man named Jose/
Who said to a doctor one day/
Who ran on the pitch/
“Daughter of a Bitch!”/
For which Chelsea now have to pay.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-36472713

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

A Big Problem

Posted on June 6, 2016 by twitmericks

A man with a bionic dick/

Said though it’s in excellent nick,/

And eight inches long,/

I find my new dong/

Is unnecessarily thick.///

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3625246/Man-44-eight-inch-bionic-penis-fitted-undergoes-op-make-SMALLER-finding-sex-painful.html

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , | Leave a comment

Late Greatest

Posted on June 4, 2016 by twitmericks

So farewell Muhammad Ali/

The greatest we ever did see/

In numerous fights/

Not least civil rights/

The butterfly stung like a bee.///

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Outstanding Debts

Posted on June 1, 2016 by twitmericks

UK archaeologists found/

Old tablets of wood underground/

With ancient things written/

By Romans in Britain,/

Like “You owe me 10,000 pound!”///

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/science/archaeology/ancient-roman-texts-first-londoners-uk-most-important-ever-archaeological-discoveries-a7059271.html

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Ocker Knocker-socker

Posted on May 31, 2016 by twitmericks

A violent kangaroo hit/

A poor woman right in the tit/

But being well curved/

Her chest was preserved/

By silicon implants, which split.///

http://www.smh.com.au/national/womans-breast-implants-ruptured-in-kangaroo-attack-in-south-australia-20160531-gp8gx3.html

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , | Leave a comment

Candidate Exposed

Posted on May 30, 2016 by twitmericks

A candidate stripped for a dare/

And stood on the podium bare./

Credentials inspected/

He wasn’t elected/

The new libertarian chair.///

http://edition.cnn.com/videos/tv/2016/05/30/libertarian-convention-strip-tease-daily-hit-newday.cnn

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

No Choking Matter

Posted on May 28, 2016 by twitmericks

Applying the Heimlich manoeuvre,/

The handy procedure’s prime mover/

Said “Though I am old/

I still know the hold,/

But if it fails, go get a hoover”.///

http://www.aljazeera.com/news/2016/05/heimlich-manoeuvre-160527183400086.html

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged | Leave a comment

Special Pleading

Posted on May 27, 2016 by twitmericks

A footballing coach named Jose/

Took on a new challenge today/

His big Man U mission -/

Improve the position,/

However you make the team play.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/36363365

 

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment