twitmericks

Blowing Cover

Posted on June 29, 2016 by twitmericks

A copper who goes undercover/

Is banned now from having a lover/

So if you are trying/

To work out who’s spying/

Just offer a bit of the other.///

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2016/jun/29/sex-drugs-off-limits-undercover-police-guidelines

A copper who goes undercover
Is banned now from having a lover
So if you are trying
To work out who's spying
Just offer a bit of the other.

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 29, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged police, undercover | Leave a comment

Voting with Their Feet

Posted on June 27, 2016 by twitmericks

Kane, Alli, Rose, Dier and Hart/
& Rooney were crap from the start/
& Cahill & Smalling/
Were also appalling/
As Iceland took England apart.///

http://www.standard.co.uk/sport/football/euro2016/england-vs-iceland-player-ratings-joe-hart-wayne-rooney-and-harry-kane-woeful-as-three-lions-crash-a3282331.html#gallery

NB: I couldn’t fit them all in. Sterling, Sturridge, Wilshire and Walker (well, it was a toss-up between him and Cahill) escape by having long names, and Rashford by coming on at the end and giving it a go.

Kane, Alli, Rose, Dier and Hart
& Rooney were crap from the start
& Cahill & Smalling
Were also appalling
As Iceland took England apart.

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 27, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged brexit, england, euro 2016, football, iceland | Leave a comment

FFS IDS!

Posted on June 26, 2016 by twitmericks

A UK MP, IDS/

Declared IOU, NHS/

The cash 4 EU/

Will now B 4 U./

This turned out 2 B pure BS.///

http://news.sky.com/story/1717826/backtrack-on-give-nhs-350m-eu-money-promise

A UK MP, IDS
Declared IOU, NHS
The cash 4 EU
Will now B 4 U.
This turned out 2 B pure BS.#IDS #Brexit

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 26, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged brexit, eu, ids, nhs, tories | Leave a comment

Cam Shafted

Posted on June 24, 2016 by twitmericks

PM David Cameron quit/

As voters decided to split/

And seek more autonomy/

While the economy/

Sinks ever deeper in shit.///

PM David Cameron quit
As voters decided to split
And seek more autonomy
While the economy
Sinks ever deeper in shit.

#EURefResults

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 24, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged brexit, cameron, eu, referendum | Leave a comment

Foul Smell

Posted on June 23, 2016 by twitmericks

“I just couldn’t stop once I’d started”,/

The footballer sadly imparted/

“It seems very hard/

To give a red card -/

My only offence was I farted!”///

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/jun/22/swedish-footballer-sent-off-for-farting-during-match?CMP=Share_iOSApp_Other

"I just couldn't stop once I'd started",
The footballer sadly imparted
"It seems very hard
To give a red card,
My only offence was I farted"

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 22, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged FART, footballer, sweden | Leave a comment

Smackers in the Bank

Posted on June 21, 2016 by twitmericks

A trainer in one Chinese bank/
Assaulted the staff with a plank/
He felt flagellation/
Might help motivation/
So gave them a jolly good spank.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-china-36583486

A trainer in one Chinese bank
Assaulted the staff with a plank
He felt flagellation
Might help motivation
So gave them a jolly good spank.

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 21, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged bank, china, spanking | Leave a comment

Feared Beard

Posted on June 19, 2016 by twitmericks

A man got a plane with a beard/

Which some other passengers/

feared His face being hairy/

Was Arab and scary/

And so the poor fellow was sheared.///

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3647375/Told-shave-Man-Arabic-scary-looking-beard-kicked-Alaska-Airlines-flight-after.html

A man got a plane with a beard
Which some other passengers feared
His face being hairy
Was Arab and scary
And so the poor fellow was sheared

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 19, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Why Don’t We Do it to the Street

Posted on June 19, 2016 by twitmericks

There once was a man so depraved/

The gratification he craved,/

A video showed,/

Was humping the road – /

Not hardcore, just asphalt or paved.///

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/bizarre-moment-man-caught-camera-8217323

There once was a man so depraved
The gratification he craved,
A video showed,
Was humping the road –
Not hardcore, just asphalt or paved.

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 18, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Scratch and Sniff

Posted on June 16, 2016 by twitmericks

The coach of the Germany side/

Felt cocky and self-satisfied/

He reached in his smalls/

To handle the balls/

Then sniffed at his fingers with pride.///

https://www.theguardian.com/football/2016/jun/15/joachim-low-says-sorry-for-causing-a-stir-with-scratch-and-sniff

The coach of the Germany side
Felt cocky and self-satisfied
He reached in his smalls
To handle the balls
& sniffed at his fingers with pride

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 16, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged euro 2016, germany, joachim loew, scratch and sniff | Leave a comment

Votey McBoatface

Posted on June 15, 2016 by twitmericks

Farage went upriver by boat/
Campaigning for Brexit afloat/
Sir Bob set sail too/
To back the EU/
And fish for the odd floating vote.///

http://www.standard.co.uk/news/london/nigel-farage-and-bob-geldof-in-river-battle-on-the-thames-over-brexit-a3272161.html

Farage went upriver by boat
Campaigning for Brexit afloat
Sir Bob set sail too
To back the EU
And fish for the odd floating vote.

— Mick Twister (@twitmericks) June 15, 2016

Posted in Uncategorized | Tagged brexit, eu, farage, referendum, remain, uk, ukip | Leave a comment

twitmericks

Blowing Cover

Voting with Their Feet

FFS IDS!

Cam Shafted

Foul Smell

Smackers in the Bank

Feared Beard

Why Don’t We Do it to the Street

Scratch and Sniff

Votey McBoatface

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