Lord Rennard of Feltham

Posted on January 20, 2014 by twitmericks
A Liberal Democrat Lord/
Is adding to party discord/
And causing Nick worry/
By not saying sorry/
To those he’s alleged to have pawed.
///http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jan/20/lord-rennard-row-regret-but-no-apology-lib-dem
(NB apologies to those for whom lorrrrd does not rhyme with pawwwed. Here is an alternative last line: 
For actions some found untoward.
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Barmy Weather

Posted on January 19, 2014 by twitmericks

A Ukipper blamed recent storms/

On straying from sexual norms/

The flooding will end/

He seems to contend/

If every last bugger conforms.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-25802437

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Frock Off

Posted on January 18, 2014 by twitmericks
There once was a Catholic priest/
Defrocked as a paedophile beast/
In fact, it appears,/
Within a few years/
400 or so at the least.///
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Tap Dancing

Posted on January 17, 2014 by twitmericks

We’re told US agents are trying/

To stop inappropriate spying/

And tap Al Qaeda,/

Not Germany’s leader – /

But we know the buggers are lying.

///http://in.reuters.com/article/2014/01/17/usa-security-obama-idINL2N0KR1D420140117

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Trashy Mags

Posted on January 16, 2014 by twitmericks

A prominent couple named Brooks/

Deny being phone-hacking crooks./

The court heard their waste/

Revealed a taste/

For sapphic pornography books.

///http://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2014/jan/15/charlie-brooks-lesbian-lovers-magazine-rebekah-phone-hacking-trial

https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/423825189559107584

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Lord of Bawd

Posted on January 15, 2014 by twitmericks

A Liberal Democrat peer/

Of prominent party career/

Made women distressed/

By being a pest/

But says he is now in the clear.

///http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2014/jan/15/lord-rennard-lib-dems-no-action-sex-pest-complaints

https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/423554591234719744

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Tea for Three/Thé pour Trois

Posted on January 15, 2014 by twitmericks
There was an old man named Francois/
Whose image was petit bourgeois./
Perhaps for a change /
He ought to arrange/
His life as a ménage à trois.
+++
After writing this, I decided to give it a go in French, as follows:
Il y avait un vieux homme, Francois/
Qui paraissait petit bourgeois./
Il avait envie/
De changer sa vie/
Et créer un ménage à trois.
///
This seemed to capture the imagination of some of my Twitter followers rather more than the English version, and several people volunteered their own rather fine efforts. I particularly like the one from TextheLaw, who also writes a blog with limericks at http://texthelaw.com/.
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Fondue Fondler

Posted on January 13, 2014 by twitmericks

Police say a fellow from Philly/
Enjoys putting cheese on his willy./
The use of fromage/
For public frottage,/
They warn, is illegal and silly.

///http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2014/01/12/swiss-cheese-pervert_n_4585399.html?1389546716

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Fracking Bribery

Posted on January 13, 2014 by twitmericks

A system of financial backing/

For councils agreeing to fracking/

Means we pay the bill/

To sweeten the pill/

Where local acceptance is lacking.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-25705550

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The Rest in Peace Process

Posted on January 12, 2014 by twitmericks
There was an old man named Sharon/
A warrior leader, now gone./
Though he finds release/
His land knows no peace./
Debate on his record goes on.
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