Hair’s Breadth Decision

Posted on September 14, 2017 by twitmericks

A drug profiteer forfeits bail

And now has to go back to jail

For his diabolical

Hillary follicle

Seizure attempt epic fail.

https://www.reuters.com/article/us-usa-crime-shkreli/shkreli-ordered-jailed-after-online-bounty-on-hillary-clintons-hair-idUSKCN1BO2T8

 

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Cruz Abuse

Posted on September 12, 2017 by twitmericks

Ted Cruz has been utterly panned/

For taking a moralist stand/

Then liking some porn/

But Cruz has now sworn/

He’s taking the matter in hand.///

http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/ted-cruz-staffing-issue-led-to-porn-tweet-liked-by-account-w502493

 

 

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Arms and the Storm

Posted on September 10, 2017 by twitmericks

Police are at pains to advise/
Gun-toting Floridian guys/
Keep shooting the breeze/
But gentlemen please/
To fire at a storm is unwise.///

https://www.vox.com/world/2017/9/10/16283316/hurricane-irma-2017-florida-shoot-guns

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Rush gets Windy

Posted on September 9, 2017 by twitmericks

A chap of Conservative stripe/

Said hurricane warnings were hype,/

But as things got torrider/

He Rushed out of Florida,/

The climate-denying asswipe.///

http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/americas/rush-limbaugh-irma-hurricane-florida-evacuation-hoax-conspiracy-theory-a7937201.html

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Ignoble Laureate

Posted on September 9, 2017 by twitmericks

The laureate Aung San Suu Kyi/

Who wanted Myanmar to be free/

Now watches in silence/

As state-sponsored violence/

Compels the Rohingya to flee.///

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/sep/08/desmond-tutu-condemns-aung-san-suu-kyi-price-of-your-silence-is-too-steep

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Sword of Destiny

Posted on September 6, 2017 by twitmericks

A girl pulled a sword from a pool/
And so must be destined to rule/
But seven-year-old/
Matilda the Bold/
For now has to go back to school.///

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/girl-7-finds-4ft-sword-11106508

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Shit Date

Posted on September 6, 2017 by twitmericks

A woman pursuing a poo/

She just couldn’t flush down the loo/

While out on a Tinder/

Got stuck in the winder/

Till freed by a firefighting crew.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-bristol-41167296

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Snake on the Loos

Posted on September 5, 2017 by twitmericks

A python in Southend-on-Sea/

Surprised a boy going to pee/

But luckily Reggie,/

Although not a veggie,/

Prefers baby rats for his tea.///

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-essex-41159173

 

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Don’t Think and Drive

Posted on September 4, 2017 by twitmericks

An Everton striker named Wayne/

When asked by his wife to explain/

Said when I am drinking/

My organ for thinking/

Regrettably isn’t the brain.///

https://www.standard.co.uk/news/uk/wayne-rooney-thinks-his-marriage-is-over-after-drink-drive-charge-a3625986.html

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Pyongyang Big Bang

Posted on September 3, 2017 by twitmericks

A fellow named Kim in Pyongyang/

Created a very big bang/

With stuff that is fissile*/

To put on a missile/

And said “See the size of my whang!”///

*I am indebted to @Souris_Verte for pointing out that if, as North Korea claims, the bomb tested was an H-bomb, it uses fusion, not fission. So I must fall back on the fact that experts have doubted this claim (and, of course, poetic licence).  https://twitter.com/Souris_Verte/status/904397630595371010

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