twitmericks

I’ve brought together the first five days of my post-election limerick reports in one post – from votes to goats.

May Hem – Theresa Blows it

There once was a woman named May/

Who threw an election away/

She lost her majority/

And has no authority/

How long can she honestly stay?///

Stormin’ Corbyn – Jez He Could

An old Labour man with a beard/

Conservative media smeared/

Got more folks elected/

Than pollsters expected/

And some in his own party feared.///

Nuttall Scuttalled – UKIP Wipeout

Ex-leader of UKIP Paul Nuttall/

Whose campaign was not very suttall/

Has now had to quit/

Because he was shit/

As shown by the voters’ rebuttall.///

Clegg on His Face – Nick loses Sheffield Hallam

A Sheffield MP known as Nick/

Attracted a fair bit of stick/

And some aggravation/

For his Con-Dem nation/

And now he’s been given the flick.///

Over a Barrel of Foster’s – DUP Deal 

The DUP chief Arlene Foster/

Will fill the Conservative roster/

With her ten MPs;/

Though happy to please,/

She’s told Mrs May it’ll cost ‘er.///

Adieux Aides – Fiona and Nick Nixed 

Theresa’s adviser Fiona/

Has seen her boss swiftly disona/

With fellow aide Nick;/

May had to move quick/

To counteract moves to dethrona.///

Reshuffle Kerfuffle

In May’s underwhelming reshuffle/

She had to avoid a kerfuffle/

Unable to shunt/

Fox, Johnson or Hunt/

For fear of whose feathers she’d ruffle.///

Gove Will Tear Us Apart 

Theresa May had to name Gove/

As Tory environment cove,/

Compelled to recycle/

Her enemy Michael/

Against whom she formerly strove.///

Paper-thin Excuse

The Queen’s Speech is being delayed/

As it is exclusively made/

With ink that has dried/

Upon a goat hide/

So scapegoats will have to be flayed.///