Behind Bras

A dubious outfit in France/

Sold customers dodgy implants/

Which rupture and split/

Inflaming the tit/

The damn things are meant to enhance.

///http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-25315627

(NB – this is a tweaked version of a limerick from 2011 under the headline “Firm B00bs”. It seemed to attract more traffic than usual.)

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Korea Setback

There was an old fellow named Jang/
Whose nephew was big in Pyongyang/
Until one day Kim/
Got heavy with him/
And booted him out of the gang.///
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Goodbye Lenin

Protesters in downtown Ukraine/

Oppose Yanukovich’s reign/

They favour discussions/

With Europe not Russians/

And Lenin they treat with disdain.///

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/ukraine/10504098/Ukraine-protesters-topple-Lenin-statue-amid-huge-rally-in-central-Kiev.html

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RIP Nelson Mandela

So RIP Nelson Mandela/
A quite incomparable fella/
Though back in the day/
They locked him away/
Today his approval rate’s stellar///
 
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Nigella Gets Her Line Straight

Nigella says though she took coke/
And had the occasional toke/
The cause of this error/
Was intimate terror/
By Saatchi, her brute of a bloke.///
 
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Limerick Competition: The Results

Thanks very much to all those who participated in my limerick competition, via Twitter, the blog or the Facebook page. I wanted to keep it open, rather than dictating the first line, and that certainly resulted in a variety of subjects! 

The winners are:

 – Chazz Broadhurst, posting at twitmericks.com, who managed to craft a fine limerick around a Van Gogh pun:

Gaugin, in a pub in St. Cyr,
Asked Van Gogh if he wanted a beer ;
Vince said, with surprise
In his china-blue eyes –
“No, s’okay, I’ve just got one ‘ere.”

– @Roscoe_English, who submitted several good ones via Twitter – including this on Henry VIII’s dissident Lord Chancellor.

Poor Old Sir Thomas More

Failed having tried to ignore

The King’s pleas for divorce.

Using newly made laws

His head was soon on the floor.

And Regina Lusca, who sent this shocker via the Facebook page. Taking my suggestion that it was safer to stick to dead people, she turned it on its head with a grotesque limerick on the recently deceased Jimmy Savile’s alleged necrophilia, which is in many ways most closely reflects the bawdy tradition of the form!

When caught stuffing stiffs, Savile said,
‘I’ve always been fond of the dead;
What’s all the palaver?
It’s just a cadaver,
And corpses don’t even give head.’

Copies of There Was an Old Geezer Called Caesar for those three – I’ll be in touch to get addresses.

MT 

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Semen’s Mission

There was a PM in mid-term/
Who went to Beijing to affirm/
That UK-bred swine are/
Producing for China
Industrial doses of sperm.///
 
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Ghetto Falsetto

So farewell then Junior Murvin/
Whose legacy’s well worth preservin’/
He sang of the ghetto/
In piercing falsetto/
Compelling & oddly unnervin’.///
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Boris has a Mare On Air

A self-styled elitist and Mayor/

Has failed an IQ test on air/

Though mop-headed Boris/

Can memorise Horace/

His intellect’s ‘fair’, like his hair.

///http://www.theguardian.com/politics/2013/dec/03/boris-johnson-fails-live-iq-test?CMP=fb_gu

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A Woman With Balls

A woman from Melbourne, Australia/
Does knitting with her genitalia/
She’ll sit in the buff/
& make a nice muff/
(Or such woolly paraphernalia).///
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