twitmericks

Recently, more and more people on Twitter have been translating my limericks, especially into French and German. So when the bog paper shortage went Dutch as well, I put out an appeal to the hive mind to see how many of the EU’s 24 official languages we could muster. So far it’s English, French, German, Dutch, Irish, Czech, Portuguese, Lithuanian, Italian, Swedish, Croatian and Estonian.  In classic Twitter Tower of Babel style, a dispute kicked off over the Greek entry, so that’s pending. But we do also have Latin and U.S. English! All follow below (to be updated – keep ’em coming!):

(Thread here) https://twitter.com/twitmericks/status/1181966480012906496

English (@twitmericks

As Brexit descends into farce/ Our bog paper stocks will get sparse,/ But when there is none/ The Mail and the Sun/ Are handy for wiping one’s arse.

French (@GuillaumeCingal)

Le Brexit sombrant dans la dinguerie complète,/ On apprend qu’on va manquer de papier toilète Quand il n’y en aura plu/ Pour se torcher le cu,/ Il restera le Mail et le Sun, s’il vous plète.

Also French (@Berlaymonster)

Merdique depuis le debut,/ Le Brexit fait chier, et il pue,/ Les degats sont tels/ Que le Sun et le Mail/ Devront servir en papier-cul.

Still more French (@abelar_s)

Le Brexit, farce morbide/ Pourrait laisser les stocks de PQ vides/ Mais quand il n’y en aura plus/ Il restera les torche-culs/ Le Sun, le Mail, et autres tabloïdes.

German (jchrthomas)

Die Versorgung der Briten wird harsch/ ab November nach deren Abmarsch./ Man fällt voll auf die Fresse./ Dank der Boulevardpresse/ ist die Zivilgesellschaft am Arsch.

Dutch (RicharddeNooy)

Brexit wordt echt ongezond/ te weinig papier voor de stront/ maar als je echt moet/ dan veeg je ook goed/ met de roddelpers even je kont.

Estonian (@mesaare)

Kui Brexit laskub farsiks/ Meie tualettpaberi varud lähevad hõredaks,/ Aga kui seda pole/ Mail ja Päike/ On mugav perset pühkida.

Lithuanian (@APalubinskas)

Kol Brexit eina velniop/ Šikpopieriaus gali pritrūkt./ Kai jo nebeliks/ Britų laikraščiai tiks/ Valyti šūdinas savo rūras.

Portuguese (@PedroMMalaquias)

Revelando-se o Brexit fracasso/ Fica o papel-higiénico escasso/ Haja fé no amanhã,/ O Correio da Manhã/ Limpa o rabo em contrapasso

Irish (CMacStiofan) (I’ve inserted line breaks where I think they should go)

Agus drochbhail ag teacht ar Brexit/Breatimacht Tá easpa páipéar leitris/ Ach an uair atá /sé imithe Smaoinígí ar/ The Mail agus The Sun ina áit.

Czech (@zajdee)

V dobrý Brexit nemám víru,/ brzy budem’ bez papíru./ A až se sklady v prázdné změní, /bulvární vezmem’ si tisk denní,/ jen tím si pak utřem’ díru.

Spanish (@Ithinksoguey)

Mientras la farsa del Brexit avance,
Tal vez precipite un percance:
Escasez de material,
Para higiene personal;
Ojalá haya Mail o Sun al alcance.

Swedish (@jchrthomas again)

Deras utträde utan avtal
verkar vara ju inget bra val.
När det saknas tuppapper
(och annat, i etapper)
så behövas snart hålla strafftal.

Croatian (@aleprechaunist)

Dok se Brexit spušta u farsu
Naše zalihe lažnog papira postat će rijetke,
Ali kad ih nema
Pošta i Sunce
Prikladni su za brisanje magarca.

Italian (@rhea_sylvia_75)

La Brexit vi perseguita anche al cesso/ C’è penuria di carta, proprio adesso/ Ma se un giorno è finita,/ Terminata, esaurita,/ The Mail e The Sun son meglio delle dita.

* * *

And from other languages past and present…

Latin (@tufnelljimmy)

Brexitu in comoediam verso,/ tersorium emere nequeo./ Sed nil desperandum,/ “Solem” infandum/ cotidie libenter stercoro.

And finally, US English! (@AmericanEUDude)

Brexit is literally LOLZ/ “Got no TP can I borrow y’all’s?”/ “No problem, dudes:/ Just use the fake news/ by wadding it up into balls”